I cannot live with this anymore. I read that asian women will fuck white guys until they are too unattractive to anymore and then will find an asian guy to take them. I cannot live with this knowledge. My stomach has been in horrible pain all week. I want to die. I simply cannot live with this anymore. This world is beyond fucked up. There is nothing here, no beauty, only the ugliness of female sexuality. They dot care about anything but appearance. I am entirely dead inside. There is nothing left. To keep myself going I think about the handsome Chinese men I’ve seen. Maybe they can handle this world better than I can. How corrupt it is. It’s ruined me entirely. I dream every night of shooting myself and thought non stop about killing myself with medication. I plan to look up the way that certain celebrities were able to do so and I will copy their cocktail. I can hardly work and my mind is in too much turmoil. I do not want to live in a world where physicality is everything. I would prefer to be dead. I think I will be at peace. My stomach is in severe pain. I hope that I am terminally ill. I hope that whoever reads this can understand my pain. I hope this world pays dearly for its sins. My mother did and I feel nothing for her. I hope to never see her in whatever comes next.