Any man with a reasonable heart can clearly realize that a lot of men are unlucky in love and spend a life in loneliness bordering on suicidal. I certainly still feel lonely, constantly, and on the brink. I know how fragile and rare love is, especially in a world filled with casual sex and lookism that it would take an idiot to deny the existence of.
I cannot, like other Hapas, simply be happy. I could easily imagine a life where by some genetic happenchance I was born to be an Asian male in the west, and unfairly discriminated against. I went fifty percent of the way there – by pure chance – so I could easily have been born the other way. The way that Asian males are denigrated, treated so poorly, ignored, laughed at, and forced into such unfair gut-wrenching loneliness is enough to make me want to shoot myself; and I feel the same loneliness realizing the patterns that exist in our society. If everything was okay, then women would be packing nightclubs in Manhattan looking for a nice guy to take home – not the tallest, most masculine, or best looking one. Hence the loneliness.
I cannot look at my mother and simply forgive her. I cannot say, at least I wasn’t born full Asian, and not feel awful about this. I cannot help but think about how many young men have killed themselves from loneliness half as bad as mine – without even a FUCKING concern from Asian women about what they do, or how they act, even when people are FUCKING DYING.
When I was born, someone else was denied existence. That is, pretty much, a genocidal act of which I want no part. Whereby I say: fuck you, to my family, fuck you to anyone who thinks everything is all good, fuck you to any white male who enables this kind of unfair punishment on someone that doesn’t deserve it, fuck you to any Hapa who allows this to go unpunished.