A Little Bit More About Me, Asian America’s Biggest Failure

My extended family is quite prominent; meaning that my mother’s brother(s) and sisters all are very visible members of society…. or maybe not visible (at least one is) but in positions of relative power in corporate structures. I.e. having thousands of people employed under them and being in an position of immense influence in one of the world’s (in the case of one aunt) biggest international banks.

Of course you could choose not to believe this but the choice is up to you; I still pretty much doubt that anyone could ever really rationalize the idea that a man will be okay knowing that he is a member of a defeated race. And to those who say “you make your own world,” no, you do not. 

The world is already clearly defined along power lines and clear hierarchies that puts Asian subservient to white and even if I did want to become successful this would just be proving the common liars right: that white / Asian mixes are somehow better. I genuinely ask you to say that a child born with the implicit knowledge that he is better than his peers because he is whiter is able to succeed in ‘Murica. Go ahead; answer the question.

By most definitions I am a failure compared to even the full Asians in my family and I do not apologize for this. In fact I relish in it.

Yesterday my father and my family went out on a trip around his hometown (i.e., the countryside around it). Aside from the constant history lessons he decided to berate me with as if I were a child, I could detect the gross sadness of having a 32 year old son who couldn’t even enter a darkened room out of fear (we were visiting a historic site), and a son my age who fled off to the far corners of the world just to get away from my own sense of inferiority-  an inferiority reinforced over, and over, and over, and over, and over by Asian women.

Don’t believe me? My uncle, who I am close to, was awarded in the past five years the same award that a president of the United States was awarded at one point. So in this regard… yeah, I am who I say I am.

Last night I talked to my grandmother about the issue… she said (me), why do you have such a problem with your mixed race? And I said, there’s no way you could ever understand. I said, what if it was my own parents who told me that I was worthless implicitly? She said, the reason your parents’ marriage ended was over money, to which I responded, yes, Asian women are obsessed with money and she couldn’t reconcile her white prince Charming with the fact that he was broke.

The whole thing is a fucking joke.

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8 thoughts on “A Little Bit More About Me, Asian America’s Biggest Failure

  1. My parents hated one another with a passion. I grew up with fist fights and hearing them trying to kill one another. The police came to my house a lot.
    Finally, my sister and I were taken away and put into foster homes for many years… then to a boarding school for several years. I returned home to fight with my mother for one year then was kicked out to finish high school living in motels and couch surfing. And they are both white.

    Some of us weren’t so lucky in the parent department, no matter what the race.

    I have hapa cousins that were luckier than me. And they’re gorgeous and successful.

    I can’t help but feel that you’re hyper focused on the negative, including a lot of self-loathing and resentment of your parents.

    Just remember, your parents are just children who grew bigger but not necessarily wiser. They’re just people, fallible and human.

    Whether or not your mother worships “white” culture… is a character flaw she chose. So your parents are fuckups. Mine are too. Get in line with millions of us.

    I let my parents be the fuckups they are while I be myself. My mother is a fundamentalist Christian hermit and my father is an alcoholic who quotes Woody Allen. :-/

    You’re probably an attractive guy with a lot going for you… who is unable and/or unwilling to acknowledge or accept it.

    This is life.

    People are fuckups. Some happen to be our parents.

    • “Some of us weren’t so lucky in the parent department, no matter what the race.”

      At least you know that you’re still valued for your race if not by your parents but your entire society. Imagine knowing that your very own mother valued you more for the race you weren’t. Hey, zing zing boom, drum roll.

      The world isn’t fair – yeah. I admit that. But it’s brutal. It’s extremely, extremely brutal. At very least a white man can wake up one day and say, at least I’m fucking white and can make a name for myself.

      The world is extremely cruel and brutal. You can say that and acknowledge inequalities but inequalities extend all around the world. When they happen to come to your front door, in the form of Elliot Rodger or ISIS or whatever, then “the world isn’t fair,” no longer sounds like such a good cop out.

      • But what if some of us don’t care at all about “white culture” or give much thought or value to that of a white man.

        Obviously, you can see that I write specifically about Asian men. Also, I’ve dated several hapa men.

        I mean, what about Daniel Henney? Keanu Reeves? Eddie Van Halen? Do you think they’re trash? Are they losers?

        There are millions of non-white men in the US. Billions in the world.

        The gene that creates a lack of melanin is a mutation. And I say that as a friggin “white” person. Did you know that “white people” are the actual minority race of the world?

        You bring up Ellit Rogers but start searching for how many caucasian psychopaths there have been.
        I knew someone who worked for the FBI crime division handling serial killers and the most racial component was of the white man. Hell! We all know that!

        Btw… Elliot Rogers was also known to have Aspergers. The only people I’ve ever met with Aspergers was white.

        Please stop the self-hate and realize that your mom’s “white man worship” i.e. idolizing people who have a type of albino gene! is HER problem.

        Really, think about how ridiculous that is. Take genetics and realize how foolish “race” worship and division is!
        I never gave a shit about it.
        I adored my Hindu, Indian Godfather, more than my own “white,” blue-eyed father.

        It all goes back to perspective.

        It’s just up to you to choose the right one, the more healthy one.

  2. @miagataaa, it is true that everything goes back to perspective. Therefore, his perspective is just as true as yours. Sometimes the truth isn’t what people see it as, and the best we (as outsiders) can do is seek to understand instead of persuading him to stop… anything.

    I’ve observed the phenomenon Eurasian Writer was describing in his blogs for the last 5 years. Seems like a lot of the observations are quite aligned with what I’ve been seeing. I wouldn’t go as far as claiming that the parties involved have a mental illness, but I do see behaviours within social gatherings that fit Eurasian Writer’s description.

    • My observations too. Note that when there are successful Eurasians, they are either exceptional and look like Nathan Adrian and are huge, are homosexual (Darren criss), have a Fobby Mom who is almost always Philippino (they aren’t overtly hateful and marry for money and greencard), or have Asian fathers.

      I’d love to hear some examples.

      Keep in mind that I consider myself very attractive. I still have sever emotional problems and self esteem issues when comparing myself to white males. Which is what it is, ultimately, right?

  3. Dear Eurasian Writer,
    As a full Asian male, I have had self esteem issues when comparing myself to white (i.e. European American) males, many years back. I would say I’m fairly successful professionally and romantically, despite “white” being the default (and perceived as best by the masses) race. The hill is steeper (that’s life), but once you get to a top (not “the” top, “a” top), it will be THAT much more satisfying. You can’t control people as a race (I wish I could; I should write a blog like you) but you can control your own mindset/mentality.
    I agree with most with what you wrote in the past couple of months that I’ve subscribed, thank you for writing.

      • Uhm, by my own standards only. No need for too much detail but, six-figure salary (100s, not filthy like the 300s, mind you) in the semiconductor industry in Silicon Valley, and ~5 serious past relationships with some one night stands (across three races) thrown in between (never at the same time; no cheating). Others may be more “successful” than that but I am content with where I am today. But hey, never stop improving. I am, however, wanting a serious relationship now, no more messing around, now that I’m in my 30s. So, there’s a little background on me. Emigrated from Taiwan when I was 8, raised in Houston, went to college in Austin, now living and working in San Jose.
        What a sea change (that is the Bay Area) compared to Texas!
        Personal accomplishments are not the end, they are the means to an end, that is positive mentality and/or outlook.
        Yes, life is unfair (race, gender, sexual orientation, mental disabilities, etc), I’m well aware of that. Yes, men and women get together for selfish or brainwashed reasons. We can only try to be happy, stay positive in a sea of negativity (news), and do our best.

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