The Tragedy of this Eurasian

I’m not looking for pity. I’m relatively “famous” now as the most outspoken Eurasian despite my refusal to show my face, but the only reason I do that is to prevent more heartache on my father, a man who is kept out of the abyss by a flimsy little thread called devout Christianity. To this day he still believes it was pure love from my mother.

Really, I’m not seeking pity. I’m sure there are a ton of Eurasians (re: gay, or really tall due to having robust moms) out there that are successful or have found some method of coping. If anything I want people to look at me and for once in their lives admit to themselves how brutal this world is.

But the real tragedy here is my lost potential; Ivy League educated, intelligent, tall, good looking, placed in accelerated programs since I was a child, called a genius by professionals, called by Rhodes scholars in my classes that I was the most brilliant student at our university, connected to one of the most prominent Asian families in New York, and it was only through careful introspection that I came to the conclusion that everything in my life was the result of evolution, sexual selection that valued a certain phenotype above all else. People will say; some women like Asian men. Some. And they are some exceptions. 

Anything I can do will only be seen as the result of me having a white father, no more, no less.

It’s no wonder that Eurasians wind up on drugs and living hedonistically for as long as they can; we are, to all extents, the most naturally “aware” of all races, who recognize both how lucky we are and how absolutely fucked up it has to be this way. There is literally not a Eurasian man on earth who will disagree with that statement. 

I was at the top of my class, among 20 students honored out of a class of 1,000; highly decorated as a student, well-liked, until that fateful day that I was told over and over that I was Asian, and then I looked at my own parents’ photographs and realized that even the one person who I should trust – also valued whiteness over Asianness. 

And how was I supposed to recover from that? How was Elliot Rodger ever supposed to recover from the fact that his own mother admitted to him that he was born accidentally during one of her trysts with a white man? 

It doesn’t matter that some people don’t think like this; but ones own parents?! And then he has to leave his house over and over and over and see Asian women literally throwing themselves at white men? What the FUCK does that mean about us?

People say he was autistic; people said that I was autistic, but I wasn’t. I was outspoken, loud, even a bully at one point and now I’m nothing but a massively wasted potential.

It’s strange that these so called “master race” Eurasians are using their abilities to not do good, but for antisocial purposes. 

And that’s what this blog is: it’s anti-social. It’s designed to instill in people the same doubt and fear that I have, knowing that I cannot look at my mother and father the same way again in light of what I know about race, knowing that I have no place to go where I would be accepted, knowing that anything I do will be viewed in light of my race. It’s essentially a lengthy suicide note that dictates exactly the thought process of someone who was ruined and wrecked by this sick world and that’s why I have people who aren’t even Eurasian telling me they like me.

And that’s what all life is. All life is a game, which most people refuse to acknowledge because of the utter fear of recognizing that to eat, someone must starve; it can’t possibly be like that, they’ll say. But it is like that – you just refuse to look past your four walls and see the people starving.

Literally I’m surrounded by good, decent, hardworking Asian men and I have to walk around knowing that no matter what they did, they would have been deemed inferior – so what the fuck am I?

It doesn’t matter what one’s parents tell one; parents lie to their kids. They tell them they’re amazing; but who wouldn’t?

I refuse to live a life where I have to “accept” the privilege of being half white, so that I can shit on other people, or at least ignore them, similarly to how Asian women and white men shit on and ignore other people; that’s not a life to me.

Because I am a good person. I’ve always been a good person.

I’m not the first person to observe this but I am one of the first Eurasians to actually pinpoint exactly what it feels like to be Eurasian… I am one of the first to vocalize the self doubt that every human being has deep down but refuses to acknowledge because they have an innate natural block on any suicidal tendencies. I don’t.

I do consider all Asian women and white men responsible for what happened to me. I really do; not only for the fact that my father was “ideal,” tall, handsome, 6’3″ and white, an athlete, and my mother somewhat attractive… but only because their refusal to acknowledge the truth and refusal to admit that it was only a matter of time before someone like me figured it out, one of their representative ‘master race’ Hapas…. it really is their fault. 

And before anyone says… you take responsibility for your own life. No. It’s not like that – you’re dictated your own worth by the general behavior of the populace. A bathroom cleaner has zero room for upward mobility, whereby the general behavior of Asian women in fact does reinforce the notion that Asian men are inferior to the extent that it can no longer be denied. 

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4 thoughts on “The Tragedy of this Eurasian

  1. Eurasians are not more unfortunate than the others.
    There are a lot of people who
    – are handicapped
    – are orphans
    – lost one of their parents
    – have serious hereditary disease
    – lost their children
    – etc…

    Be positive. Enjoy what life can give to you.

    • That’s where you’re wrong and right.

      Children should be born under ideal circumstances. Handicapped children should largely have never been born but were so because of the selfishness of their parents.

      White men and Asian women base their relationship on an image. An image of each other. They deprive the child of proper guidance, a community to accept them, even a place to call home, and worst of all deprive them of trust; my mother valued whiteness above all and my brother and I are of lower health quality than most Asians are, because of apparent outbreeding depression and both parents’ poor health and mental states.

      In actuality they should never have bred at all beside C-sections are dangerous and unnatural and my mother’s C section literally killed her.

      Being a Eurasian in many ways is terrible. Very terrible. Not once in my life did I ever feel security! SECURITY! And ones parents are to provide that. The knowledge that the child will have a future.

      What fucking future is there in being mixed race when we literally have no community and can die from specific diseases for which there are no cures?

      • Some children became handicaped, but they were born not handicaped.

        As I said, I wish I was 75 % Asian and 25 % European. I would be more beautiful.
        I don’t know how is to be an Eurasian. But I think my children are happy like others children.
        Everybody has a hereditary disease. But anyone wants to talk about his disease(s).
        I also have a hereditary disease, although I am not Eurasian.

        – Don’t you have a community to support you ?
        – Don’t you have any asian friends nor european friends ?
        – Who do you want to marry ? An asian woman, a western woman ?
        – Who do you prefer to be ? An Asian man or a western man ?

        You are scholar, but if you have a problem with asian women, should I tell you to see a psy ? Not because you are mental ill, but sometimes, everybody needs to talk about his problems with a psy. Maybe you will be better.
        When my father told me he wanted to have sex with me, I was surprised, I thought I misunderstood him, but he repeated he wanted to do that with me.
        I complained to the police. There have been a trial, he was sentenced.
        Then a social worker told me to see a psychologist, but I never wanted to see a psy.
        In the end, my brother told my mother that I wanted to have sex with him. He said that to discredit me. He admires his father, but because of me my parents divorced.

        You and I have not the same opinion, but I am not against all asian men, nor eurasian men. Even if I hate my father and my brother.

        I saw a lot of asian men who were good, but I was not a good girl. So I lost all asian friends, not all because of me. Now I just have white friends who are the friends of my husband, all of them are men, it is not the same stuff.

        If I can help you, don’t hesitate to write me. I will answer you. I think talking can make you feel better.

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