Since this blog is quite long I figured I would reiterate my experience as the son of an Asian mom and White father. If you have similar experiences please contribute to this thread.
I will break this down sequentially.
- My mother had a poor relationship with her father, who was physically abusive to his children; she also had a background of poverty wherein the grandfather quite literally beat all of the children with a cane in the case of them doing poorly in school.
- She threw herself at my father on meeting him in a university setting; he was tall and blue eyed with red hair. So in other words, she had a white-fetish.
- Father was a nebbish, soft-spoken “Asiaphile” with a degree in East Asian studies and multilingual in Asian languages.
- Father believed mother was “God’s gift from heaven.”
- My brother was born, then I was born via C-section, after which my mother received a blood infusion with blood tainted with Hepatitis (which would ultimately prove fatal).
- Up until the marriage and the time after that I don’t recall since I was too young.
- Brother looked distinctly more Asian than me, with black hair.
- Mother began to “Tiger Mom” my brother and focus all of her attention onto him; I suspect this is because he looked more Asian.
- I was allowed more liberties in terms of sports, video games, social activities; brother was mostly friendless.
- I began to act out at a young age, acting violently and anti-socially; possibly as a way to get attention from my mother who seemed to devote time to brother (possibly because she felt little connection with me, because of the C-section or because I looked less like her)
- My mother gradually grew sicker and with this more anger at my father’s racism (she called the police on him), as well as his inability to provide (was making roughly 40,000 to 50,000 a year against her siblings’ husbands who were making millions), as well as his cultural ineptitude and unwillingness to take a strict mentality with the children. Her fantasy of a tall white man became a reality of being married to a balding white guy – the exact type of guy who marries Asian women in the first place.
- Mother repeatedly hit my brother and I with various items, coat hangers, rulers, etc.
- Mother confiscated our toys repeatedly, punishing us with more and more severity.
- Towards the end of her life grew extremely resentful and hateful towards my father, constantly badmouthing him to me, criticizing everything from his eating habits to his appearance, and refused to allow us to go with him to his home state in the event of her death. Near the end she had a full blown hatred of him and refused to even see him while on her deathbed; she died alone.
- Died. I did not cry at her funeral although my brother did. I was laughing. This followed by 12 years of nightmares involving my mother returning.
- Brother having been primed to be accepted into a single top ranked school his entire life, was rejected despite my mother’s promises and efforts. His mental state collapsed.
- Unable to function without mother’s intervention he locked himself in his room for an entire year.
- After this became hooked on meds, institutionalized and spent $150,000 on mental health services despite doctors saying nothing was wrong with him.
- Effectively destroyed his entire brain with medicine and is no longer recognizable as a person; has worn the same shirt for 11 years. Schizophrenic as well as violent breakdowns at work in which the police were involved.
- My story was effectively increasingly paranoid, hatred of my Asian appearance, shame, involvement in white supremacist groups, extreme weight loss and weight gain in order to alter my appearance to be more white, etc.