The Asian Female / White Male Dynamic Broken Down from the Inside (I.e., From a Eurasian Son Viewpoint)

Since this blog is quite long I figured I would reiterate my experience as the son of an Asian mom and White father. If you have similar experiences please contribute to this thread.

I will break this down sequentially.

  1. My mother had a poor relationship with her father, who was physically abusive to his children; she also had a background of poverty wherein the grandfather quite literally beat all of the children with a cane in the case of them doing poorly in school.
  2. She threw herself at my father on meeting him in a university setting; he was tall and blue eyed with red hair. So in other words, she had a white-fetish.
  3. Father was a nebbish, soft-spoken “Asiaphile” with a degree in East Asian studies and multilingual in Asian languages.
  4. Father believed mother was “God’s gift from heaven.”
  5. My brother was born, then I was born via C-section, after which my mother received a blood infusion with blood tainted with Hepatitis (which would ultimately prove fatal).
  6. Up until the marriage and the time after that I don’t recall since I was too young.
  7. Brother looked distinctly more Asian than me, with black hair.
  8. Mother began to “Tiger Mom” my brother and focus all of her attention onto him; I suspect this is because he looked more Asian.
  9. I was allowed more liberties in terms of sports, video games, social activities; brother was mostly friendless.
  10. I began to act out at a young age, acting violently and anti-socially; possibly as a way to get attention from my mother who seemed to devote time to brother (possibly because she felt little connection with me, because of the C-section or because I looked less like her)
  11. My mother gradually grew sicker and with this more anger at my father’s racism (she called the police on him), as well as his inability to provide (was making roughly 40,000 to 50,000 a year against her siblings’ husbands who were making millions), as well as his cultural ineptitude and unwillingness to take a strict mentality with the children. Her fantasy of a tall white man became a reality of being married to a balding white guy – the exact type of guy who marries Asian women in the first place.
  12. Mother repeatedly hit my brother and I with various items, coat hangers, rulers, etc.
  13. Mother confiscated our toys repeatedly, punishing us with more and more severity.
  14. Towards the end of her life grew extremely resentful and hateful towards my father, constantly badmouthing him to me, criticizing everything from his eating habits to his appearance, and refused to allow us to go with him to his home state in the event of her death. Near the end she had a full blown hatred of him and refused to even see him while on her deathbed; she died alone.
  15. Died. I did not cry at her funeral although my brother did. I was laughing. This followed by 12 years of nightmares involving my mother returning.
  16. Brother having been primed to be accepted into a single top ranked school his entire life, was rejected despite my mother’s promises and efforts. His mental state collapsed.
  17. Unable to function without mother’s intervention he locked himself in his room for an entire year.
  18. After this became hooked on meds, institutionalized and spent $150,000 on mental health services despite doctors saying nothing was wrong with him.
  19. Effectively destroyed his entire brain with medicine and is no longer recognizable as a person; has worn the same shirt for 11 years. Schizophrenic as well as violent breakdowns at work in which the police were involved.
  20. My story was effectively increasingly paranoid, hatred of my Asian appearance, shame, involvement in white supremacist groups, extreme weight loss and weight gain in order to alter my appearance to be more white, etc.
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12 thoughts on “The Asian Female / White Male Dynamic Broken Down from the Inside (I.e., From a Eurasian Son Viewpoint)

  1. That is some heavy shit right there. I suspect there are elements to your experience from the racial perspective that are necessarily different from mine though probably similar. I am a lot like your brother. My younger brother had more liberties, but probably because my parents realized how messed up their older kids were getting mentally. The thing about Asian males in abusive households is that they have no social outlets being, in my opinion, excluded in social spaces. That kind of isolation is a torturous pressure – it’s a crucible. No wonder I came out cracked. No wonder people are pissed. Whether society intends to put marginalized people through this experience (in the discussion of how racist society isn’t) it doesn’t really matter… at least to the people who just want the same shot at life everyone else gets.

    • I disagree. I think the most racist white guys are interested in Asian women. I experienced little racism from white guys who are not interested in Asian women, but a lot of racism from white guys who are into Asian women. most of the are hypocrites, the more he is interested in Asian culture/women, the more racist he is. and yes I know some white guys say they are not racist because they like Asian women/culture, but it’s the other way around

      • Being a Black man that’s into Asian women and has traveled to East Asia, many of the most racist White men that I’ve met are the ones that go out there to be treated like gods.

  2. Hahahahaha. Holy chit you’re just a mental case. You might me a sad, pathetic, Hapa studyAsian, but there is no chance you went to Dartmouth cuz you write like chit.

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