If Asian women are world-famous for having "white fever" and hating Asian men, what happens when they have a son who looks Asian? I happen. This is the blog of a Dartmouth educated Eurasian son of a racist, conservative, underemployed, conspiracy theorist white man and a Hong Kong woman who had "white fever," documenting the immense damage and abuse done over 20 years of living under one of the most hateful, racist pairings on Earth. Former Neo-Nazi, former extreme racist, and yes, half Asian.
People always joke with me. They say “you were SO cute as a kid – what happened?” And it’s true. Being cute as a kid doesn’t equal being a cute adult.
Now why would a Hapa be depressed looking Asian and walking around the city and seeing thousands upon thousands upon thousands of Asian women with white men? And nothing resembling himself?
White men and Asian women love to play the victim – that they are “under attack.” It’s an added bonus for white men – they can enjoy sex and “love” while claiming to endure racism… which isn’t true, since guys like my father are the most racist and use their “colored wives” as examples of their non-racism. My dad has adamantly campaigned against homosexuals his entire life.
Society supports white men (who can just exist) and Asian women (who have high sex appeal) – but doesn’t give a shit about half-Asian males – which their children are.
Understand who the real victims are – half-Asian sons. Don’t let Asian women fool you. Those girls you see sitting in Manhattan outside under a chic restaurant canopy, ten years down the line they start panicking and nagging tall skinny white guy to sign little Bobby Hapa up for karate class.
My parents had few friends. Know why? Nobody liked them. They tried to keep up the image of a happy WMAW family but everyone knows it’s not love. If you know couples like this really examine them and make your own decisions.
The reality is that most half Asians look totally Asian enough to realize that they’re disadvantaged. If your son looks EVEN A LITTLE BIT ASIAN, he is going to be treated like shit by society, and turned down by women, and reminded that his own mother had a fetish for white males. Even if he doesn’t look Asian he’s still going to suffer immense emotional distress growing up under a fetish couple. Society doesn’t see halves – they will seek to humiliate and denigrate your son for his Asian blood as long as he is alive.
So for Ms. I Only Do White Guys, pray that you have a daughter. I really mean it. Or pray that I give up after a couple years instead of making this a lifelong endeavor. I spent the last twenty years in hell, twenty more is nothing to me.
After these women have kids they start trying to teach their kids to be proud to be Asian, even though these kids are going to face the same shit from the younger versions of their Asian moms. Even worse is your sweet little Hapa baby boy is growing to grow up, hit his teens, and see Asian girls around him throwing themselves at white guys – and then you’re going to tell him that you’re different. He’ll try to ignore this website for some ten years, work on his personality, his career, everything else – but the day will come when he realizes that yes, his mom was one of those women, and no, looking like an Asian male is a death sentence.
So this is for all you young Eurasians out there: your mother is one of those women. She was one of those women and is now.
Understand exactly what she is and treat her as such.
As for Asian women, read it and weep – you know it’s true. You don’t have kids? Oh, then, just remember these words when the day comes that you decide that you and that nice white boy you’ve been seeing are ready to have kids.
I am a formerly well liked, handsome, outgoing, popular, Dartmouth educated Eurasian man born to a Chinese mother who sought out marriage into the powered WASP class – but then realized too late that the man she married was an underemployed, emotionally damaged, meek, hyper-racist, conspiracy theorist male who was an “Asiaphile” – and she essentially killed herself. At around age 20 I encountered anti-Asian racism and due to inheriting my father’s entitlement to the world, I was unprepared to deal with it; I am emotionally unstable, self-loathing, deeply mentally disturbed, addicted, underemployed, have strong intimacy issues, and to this day still unable to undo the damage that the Eurasian myths did to me, and unable to form proper relationships due to my self-hatred instilled on me during the first 20 years of my life. Unlike other Eurasians who find self-esteem in underpaid modeling jobs, my self-implosion has been broadcast to the world to the point that I am internet famous. I am not afraid to be as viciously honest as I need to be in order to speak on the reality of this world.
If you don’t think this website is valid – go to Reddit.com/r/hapas, which received 11 million views in 2 years, and 2 million views in the last two months. Also – find half Asians with Asian fathers and compare their behavior to those with Asian mothers.
Imagine being raised by two racists – your own parents. Your own mother wanted a white man, yet here you are – a half Asian, a man who looks very Asian. Except you have a white father. Is it possible to raise a healthy child considering the loaded, white-worshipping nature of yellow fever and white fever? How can a biracial child be expected to be normal if he looks Asian, and the entire basis of his parents’ relationship was that the man not be Asian? How can Asian women outmarry at such high rates, have an open ‘white fetish,’ and expect Asian looking sons to be emotionally well adjusted?
In short: I am the son of a foreign born Asian woman from Hong Kong who deliberately married a tall (6’3″, skinny), red-haired, blue eyed, bearded white man. She, like many Asian women, sought out a man who had a “Western” background so that she could feel integrated into her new home, and better than her fully Asian peers. She was by and large mentally ill, violent, abusive, cruel towards my father when he wasn’t making enough money, extremely controlling, and had self-image issues, changing her entire appearance to “look white.” She did not and never did love my father, and only used him because he was white; their entire marriage was violent, loveless, and calculating.
This man was interested in Asian culture and married because he was socially unable to marry a white or non-Asian woman due to his political beliefs and personality quirks (he is very socially conservative, very racist against blacks, Hispanics and Muslims, a Holocaust denier and anti-Semite, extremely homophobic, very shy, not many friends, belief that white women are too liberated, extremely distasteful of feminism, extremely meek and unable to make eye contact with others, steps off the sidewalk when larger men approach, unwilling to work or make money for fear of violating Christian scripture). His interest in Asian culture was largely dictated by his personality – in which he idealized Asian cultures as being more honorable and traditional, and mistook “white worship” (a cultural tick in which Asian women see themselves as less beautiful than white women), for “traditionalism” and “submissiveness.”
I was raised largely as a white child, yet turned more Asian in appearance with age. I was raised in an environment that had an undercurrent of anti-Asian male racism (America), saw Asian women (including five out of six of them in my own family) throw themselves at white men (the majority of whom are racists, Republicans, or short and or meek), and also an over-current of false Eurasian myths about beauty and intelligence. I subconsciously always believed myself to be “less” because my own mother and her sisters all were married to white men and adamantly denied I was Asian for a decade.
My parents’ relationship was loveless, violent and broken due to her disillusionment with my father after ten years as he failed to make enough money, and grew balder and fatter and no longer lived up to the White male Prince Charming she had wanted (separate bedrooms, forced to sleep on the couch, extreme violent fighting). My brother and I suffered extreme psychological and physical abuse (beaten with coat hangers by our mother, Tiger Mommed, had her threaten to kill herself with a butcher knife in front of us, threatened to crash the car with us in it while driving at 90 mph), and her behavior became worse and worse as she realized that her white husband wasn’t making as much money as her brother and sister, who both married Chinese partners. This is a story of someone who was very sick, and in recovery.
When I got older, despite the fact that society told me that I was “unique” for being Eurasian, I was treated with contempt by both white people AND Asian people; Asian women would often express disgust at me for being Asian (scowling at me on the street, or smirking), and white people would constantly remind me that I was Asian in a way to demean and undermine me. Several of my “friends,” who were engineers and nerdy, actually would take every opportunity to remind me of my Asianness, while sleeping with Asian women, as Asian women were all they could get. This caused me to self implode from a popular, outgoing Eurasian to becoming a recluse and suicidal.
Two years after writing the below, I am leaving it word for word, as I wrote it, as proof of how I felt and feelings I still struggle with as a male of Asian heritage who clearly looks Asian, born to a mother who thought of Asian men as beneath her. I am highly educated, formerly well liked, popular, handsome, out going and like many Eurasians I burned out in my twenties with the realization that people, even Asian women in my Asian family,hate my Asian side,so now I’ve turned my talents towards exposing the last bastion of White supremacy in the world as candidly as I can. I am literally dissectingWhite male / Asian women couples and the Eurasian identity to a degree that nobody else ever has.
I actually moved to China (which saved my life) in order to escape racism and feelings of inferiority – and was shocked on learning that my own mother (and many other Chinese) had moved to America in order to find the American dream – a dream that hated me for my Asian blood.
I highly recommend that any potential parent to half-Asian children make sure that they are marrying on a clean slate – with zero fetishism, zero white-worship, and zero undertones of racial hierarchies – and that they be completely honest about this, to avoid sending more young man down the path that I went.
I am doing this for every single half-Asian kid out there who has committed suicide, thought about suicide, suffered from racism, isolation, outcasting, and had two parents whose entire relationship was nothing but lust, selfishness, even hatred – leaving us with nothing but perpetual isolation. The world does not care about Hapa males if you look average or even a little bit Asian. The world – even Asian women, who truly believe that they are white – only care about whiteness and white men.
I’m back. This website is far too valuable to just give up.
I predict that in the future Asian women are desperately going to try to suppress any and all websites that pertain to half Asian issues…. despite mine existing as one of the most visible and me being proven to be the son of an Asian woman and a white man.
The methods they will use are this:
“I dated an Asian man once.”
“Asian women don’t belong to anyone.”
“We just fell in love.”
“We never saw race.”
How many times will this scenario happen?
An Asian woman will go through life chasing white men, a white lifestyle, badmouthing Asian men, and then once her children are born, and are in her arms, will say “I will kill anyone who says such horrible things to my son.”
To be born from an Asian woman who had a white fetish is the greatest humiliation on earth. While her life was easy, being easily integrated into Western society, as the sidepiece for white men, easily ducking overt racism and easily finding love, her son will face discrimination at every turn, be treated as a sexual non-entity, and be overcome with the overt racism that his own mother and father practiced within the home.
I say this with utmost, utmost sincerity: if you cannot see the irony of raising a child of color under the principal that his father must be, and only be white – and under the belief that white men, indeed are superior to Asian men: Abort your son. I’m begging you.
I’ve shown my face and been proven to be Eurasian. I am tall, good looking, educated, and I still would not wish the utter horror of being born Eurasian on anyone. This monumental burden of carrying the fact that your entire life was predicated on the very inability of Asian men to be seen as human beings. And I could go out, and pretend to be happy, to use my white privilege to my example, but I don’t, and I recognize my mother exactly for what she is:
A woman who betrayed herself in order to ingratiate herself to the West; and then had the AUDACITY to tell me to be proud to be Chinese, to be one of millions of Eurasians born exclusively to white fathers, in the hopes that we would become some kind of “master race.”
How is a master race of Eurasians, some more Asian looking than others, ever supposed to amount to anything when our own birth represented the victory of whiteness over Asianness? We expect to turn our backs on our Asian side and say, “yes, of course our fathers were white,” and live happy lives as a result? We’re supposed to just play second fiddle to white men, the perpetual reminder of how being Asian is a curse that will expel one from society? To endure racism, as an Asian man, knowing very well that our very own mothers contributed to it?
And so many people will say, oh, EurasianWriter must be a bitter full Asian man. No one could ever possibly believe this. But how could I not? The title of this website is “longing for death.” Originally it was planned as suicide so that I could demonstrate the real damage that Asian women were doing to their own sons… but now it remains as a perpetual thorn in their side.
At this point I am just putting out these posts to fill the gaps in the search engines for these issues, hence the excessive tagging… for a long time coming. The point of this site is to exist for at least another decade, and my ultimate goal is to make this into the premier website on half-Asian issues, replace all previous discussion of half-Asian issues (e.g., the Kip Fulbeck Camp, Hapavoices, etc.) and so far everything is going according to plan.
I need to reiterate that my dad is racist. He very much hates black people; when buying a Christmas gift yesterday I had to avoid making a certain purchase because I didn’t want to buy a very well known brand owned by a very prominent rapper (now owned by Apple). I went with a lesser known brand because I knew he would never use the aforementioned “black brand.”
My father is also a Holocaust denier, constantly talks about the immigrant crisis in Syria, refers to black people as “the blacks,” so on and so forth. Luckily he’s not a Trump supporter as he believes that Trump is overcome with greed – an anti-Christian principle.
Luckily my dad was never racist against Asians, but apparently there are a lot of white men in relationships with Asian women who hate Asian men even worse. The potential blowback for this is massive.
Anyways, racist white men often times seek out Asian women. Why?
A) Asian women are well known to defer to white men, rarely to black men.
B) Asian women are known for their “traditional values”; i.e., they love living in white countries, and are outspoken in their hatred for black people and are not notorious as white women (although this is a myth) for sleeping with black men.
C) Like Dylan Roof said, Asians are an “honorable race.” Hence their women are honorable women. The only basis for their “honor” would be their perceived value of whiteness.
D) White men with extreme racist views cannot attract white women; so they go for Asian women, who will forgive their views in exchange for whiter babies, (likely before summarily dropping their husbands, like mother did). The whiter babies will then be raised as white, like Marcus Epstein.
E) The largest irony is that Asians are seen as “genetically the most similar” to whites, (my dad has told me that “East and West are the same”), so the children have a much higher chance of looking white (or in my case, whitish), so it’s essentially killing two birds with one stone.
Do not fall for this! I will make sure this website dominates Google rankings from here on in to ensure that these crimes do not go unpunished! If you know people like this, cut them out of your life, but do not blame the children.
When you have a son, your privilege as a blue-eyed white male is thrown out the door.
Whereas, if your partner were constantly complimenting your blue eyes, your son will not be able to leverage his blue eyes in order to secure a mate. He will instead have to rely on different factors, and since the number of women, including Asian women, who openly favor Asian men, is much lower, this will be damaging to his emotional well-being. For every Asian woman who deliberately rejected Asian men, so forth will your Eurasian son be rejected. My clash with my monumental ego and narcissism, years back, where I was literally obsessed with my looks, sent me into a rage when I was rejected by a white woman for being Asian (I’ve mentioned this many times before).
On “beautiful Hapa babies.”
This is by and large a lie. All babies are universally cute, but this does not translate to being an attractive male. A desire for a beautiful baby is essentially on par with having a pet; hence you see many divorced Asian women (divorced largely because of their insane behavior, like my mother’s, wherein the child is part of a fantasy) using their children as status symbols. My mother constantly showed me off to her siblings and mentioned my tall nose and deep eyes whereas ostracizing my father, but again, this does not translate to necessary success in the future; it is borderline narcissism wherein the love for the child is not love per se, but love as long as [qualifications] exist.
If you do a youtube search for “half asian babies” you will find a number bragging about how their children have blue eyes; despite this being impossible, the idea that such white worship is prevalent is extremely, extremely troublesome.
My case was unusual. My mother seemed to like my brother more than me despite him being black haired, black eyed. She Tiger Mommed him more than me, but less cruelly; I began to think that it was because I was either born via C-section or because I didn’t look like her, or even some kind of resentment towards me. My memory doesn’t go back that far so I can’t figure out the reason for this yet.
On “beauty;” In fact, any person who will want to make the distinction (i.e., a person who doesn’t like Asians) will not differentiate between full Asian and half, even if you don’t look Asian. Go on any website discussing white looking Eurasians like Adam Smith or Cary Fukunaga, and the comments are there.
I’ve come across many Hapas who complained of feeling embarrassed while walking with their parents. I have experienced this too, but moreso, more when walking with my father (as my mother is dead).
Regardless of their intentions, (and I know my parents’ were bad), the assumptions made that my father was an Asiaphile, a loser, or couldn’t get a white woman are there. In my case, they were true, but I don’t think most people bother to differentiate when it’s so common. Obviously, there will be exceptions to this rule, particularly among less intelligent Hapas, like my brother.
It’s frankly impossible for a Eurasian to not notice the interracial imbalance unless they come from entirely white states.
I think many Eurasians that you meet on the street, especially the tall, good looking ones, tend to favor White women (if they can) out of a subconscious rejection of the “white-fever” and “yellow-fever” they are associated with by extension, in any major American city. Another thing could be their rejection of their Asian side, as it is obvious to them that looking Asian is frankly a death sentence. Part of me thinks that Eurasian women do this too, mostly out of a repugnance for their own mothers… if you go read some of the comments on this blog, there are a ton of Eurasian girls complaining about emotional abuse from their mothers.
Anyone who has ever spent a significant time around Asian women realizes that there are more than a handful who have nothing but vitriolic and vile hatred in their hearts for Asian men. This probably has something to do with their failure to find them attractive (for physical reasons) so they essentially treat them as antagonists.
As if this were not problematic enough, these same women eventually go on to marry white men, and produce half-Asian children. These half-Asian children are exposed to the following elements:
Vitriol from Asian women
Massively unbalanced interracial dating
Constant attacks on Asianness by Asian women in relations with white men (the same ones who date white men yet still have to make the inferiority of Asian men well known)
The fact that they themselves naturally require a healthy identity in order to function yet Asian maleness was categorically attacked from the beginning; making healthy identity impossible.
A nihilistic sense of self worth where their entire usefulness is dictated by how Asian or un-Asian they look.
This in turn is producing millions of unhealthy Hapa children.
They literally are creating a Catch-22 for their own sons, wherein they demonize Asianness, yet produce half-Asian sons, and then forbid them from complaining about being brutally reminded of their own inferiority (see the Esther Ku remark above or this one below):
Even more obvious is the fact that when Asian women are confronted with this, their usual arguments are “we owe Asian men nothing,” “it is not our duty to find Asian men attractive;” which are all true.
However, as these same women are going to give birth to sons and can offer nothing more than off-the-bat platitudes and a complete lack of concern for the mental state of CHILDREN, it is necessary to deduce that:
These women (and men) are literally the last people on earth suited for raising half Asian children, especially men. By being so adamantly opposed to introspection they are actually proving me right in implying they are not suitable for motherhood / fatherhood. A mother / father’s job is to care wholly for the wellbeing of her child, lest she produces a societal-detriment, which we are already filled to the brim with.
So what is happening now is that Asian women are attempting to level the blame onto half-Asian men in the present, in order to immunize themselves in the future from their own self blame, which will happen.
However, the real blame needs to be leveled on two parents, an Asian woman and white man (again, oftentimes a man, like my father, who enjoys feeling “superior” over rejected Asian men; or in many cases, just worshipped for his race unjustly whereas he feels white women failed to do so), who do not care for the mental health or spiritual wellbeing of their own sons, a demographic they are callously bringing into the world by the millions, a demographic that is destined to explode in what I call: The Hapacalypse.
We have already seen in two years such violent outbursts from Hapas, all with Asian mothers and white fathers. There will be more coming.
On this date, December 14th, 2015, remember that I, a Eurasian, specifically blamed the dynamic of White Men and Asian Women for creating a demographic of monsters.
I no longer am concerned with appealing to Asian women. I am concerned with appealing to you, my non-Asian readers, to recognize these people for what they are. This is not a “progressive” pairing. It is racism. Please, please, please recognize this before it is too late. Do I have to remind you about how my mother commented on my high nose, light eyes, repeatedly, while concurrently having a massive blowout at my father for harboring anti-semitic, Holocaust denying views?
Yes, I am Eurasian / Hapa / half-Asian, yes I am real, and no I won’t show my face right now out of fear for attack and retribution. This will happen eventually. But please, please, believe me.
It doesn’t matter how many Asian women deny this; by this blog even existing and popping up after virtually any “half-Asian” search (and within a few months it will be the number one search result), this becomes a problem for society as a whole, and ideally it will ruin the social lives and society’s view of these pairings rather than them being hoisted up as being progressive.
There is no “white-only” Asian woman on the PLANET who would admit to this being a plausible issue; but it doesn’t matter – all I have to do is sway public opinion to my side using reason and truthfulness, and then the whole roof will cave in. That means: appealing to non-Asians, blacks, whites, Hispanics, Muslims, etc. You all know well the adage of the “pen being more powerful than the sword.” You want world peace? Then dismantle the goddamned systems of power and hierarchies that exist in so called “free countries” and stop valuing your own selfish needs for five goddamned minutes.
So… another Eurasian who snapped due to a combination of being raised under a white-worshipping Asian mother and a patronizing white father who tries to raise us as being white.
People don’t recognize that the world might see Woldt as white – but he doesn’t. And even worse is that people can smell the Asian blood on you, and will humiliate it for you. I’ve had women straight up tell me “you have an Asian body,” “I don’t date Asian men,” etc.
Explain to me, dear reader, right, now how Asian women that adamantly refuse Asian men, fail to instill pride in their own children in their Asian appearance (and even if they did attempt to, their actions still prove louder than their words) are going to raise productive citizens.
“Oh but white guys have problems too.” White guys have problems and also don’t deal with debilitating sexual stereotypes. Let’s be honest.
This site is well on its way to being the largest half-Asian website in the world, and yet nobody has attempted to shut me down at all with lucid arguments.
Being biracial is an incredibly complex issue, especially considering when the majority of biracial people tend to fall along similar lines of parentage. It is oxymoronic for any bi-racial group to develop a healthy identity when it is saturated with latent implications of racial-gendered superiority and inferiority.
(In layman’s terms, do you really expect millions of Hapas, born overwhelmingly to parents who thought Asian men unattractive – let’s be honest, that’s what’s going on, and surrounded by Asian women who hate Asian men, are going to be normal?)
Hypothesis: The frequency of the relationships between White males and Asian women (as opposed to the infrequency of the relationship between Asian men and White women) is primarily based on the uniform higher status, higher economic standing or biological desirability of white men…
…the intentional or unintentional universal undesirability or lower status of Asian males – explaining the monumentally unbalanced interracial dating ratios. Eurasian sons, in particularly, are largely considered Asian men and fail to benefit from the social and sexual freedom (i.e., not being stereotyped as misogynist and / or asexual) their fathers had, unless they are extremely lucky, and live with the baggage of a peculiar kind of pairing that is weighed with heavy sociological implications.
Regardless of any politicized or non-politicized belief, politically correct or not, the fact remains from both empirical evidence provided by Eurasians (not by white men or Asian women), and data aggregated by /r/Hapas, that Eurasians are still constantly reminded that they are of less value than white men, even by women who will someday become future mothers to Asian looking Eurasian sons and even by the men who themselves are the fathers to Asian looking Eurasian sons.
Why do Asian women love white men? Is it because Asian men are unattractive? Is it because Asian men are patriarchal assholes?
The answer is that it doesn’t matter; the outcome is the same. A Eurasian male. Having children and giving them a good life goes well beyond being able to have mutual attraction and having sex; and even if the mutual attraction is structured as such because of biological or political reasons, the fact remains that the child is still stuck with the outcome of being an Eurasian male (and more often than not, an ASIAN LOOKING MALE) born to a man and woman who cared little for the issues of Asian men.