On national TV, on the premier of the Bachelorette, the only half Asian contestant (who is a late 20’s, single permavirgin it looks like) there immediately made a joke about Asian small dicks. He didn’t even get past the first Rose Ceremony or whatever that is. I didn’t watch it – I just heard about this through the grapevine.
He said two things: “I’m Scottish from the waist down;” and “I am not wearing any panties.”
Like most half Asians – Jon here has a white father, since Asian women love white men and hate Asian men. Jon looks very Asian.
Let me clue you in here – many half Asians, including myself, will attempt to disparage and distance themselves as far as they can from their Asian heritage, in an attempt to gain acceptance, or in my case, to get laid. I used to bully full Asians. I used to say horrible things about Asian people – that was until my friends started to remind me that I was Asian myself.
When a white girl turned me down because I was Asian, and then went on to sleep with a black guy, I started to try as hard as I could to be white. Attempted to dye my hair, considered wearing contacts, lost weight to look whiter. I even started to be interested in white nationalism – even though my first girlfriend was black.
After all – our own mothers are living proof that nobody wants Asian men, and even if we can make it past the formative years of our lives (ages 0-20) without killing ourselves, our self-hatred will linger with us our entire lives. Hence Daniel Holtzclaw raping black women and saying “how does that white dick taste,” and Elliot Rodger massacring three full Asian roommates while saying that black boys did not deserve white girls. Again, half Asian children are just an afterthought to the global desire for white male partners expressed by Asian women. So nobody knew what was going to happen.
A half Asian girl named Jen Kang @shoesandshiz actually commented on Jon, on Twitter, saying this. Keep in mind these are the same women who go on to raise half Asian sons – so is Jon’s behavior surprising? Is Elliot Rodger’s behavior surprising?
In its very mild form you will have guys like this on national TV. In its extreme form you will have mass murderers who weren’t able to put two and two together.
We learn our white supremacy from our fathers, and mothers. No half Asian with an Asian father would humiliate himself on TV like that. His joke actually so successfully demeans himself that he was eliminated before the show even started – if his Asian appearance hadn’t disqualified him already.
(I would even go so far as to say that Jon here might even be gay and went on TV just for exposure. I don’t think any straight guy would hate and humiliate himself that much. Again, I do believe that WM/AW pairings are so emasculating that they affect the minds of the Asian looking children so severely to the point of forcing us into “effeminate” roles.)
I learned early on that mentioning my Asian heritage at all was a fast track to getting sidelined, so the fact he makes a point of it means that he probably hates Asian men (like Elliot Rodger) – and nobody hates Asian men more than Hapa girls, or those who share their tastes. I.e. gay Hapa males, or even worse – Hapa males who want to differentiate themselves.
All of these people are inextricably linked.
Asian women fill the pool with dirty syringes and razor blades and diarrhea and phlegm and blood and dead carcasses of animals while they’re young, then they throw their kids into the pool, and then they wonder why the kids have emotional problems, and they go in the New York Times articles talking about “my son doesn’t want to be Asian.”
Shout out to whoever made and compiled this.
This kind of talk is endemic both to:
- Asian women, who constantly talk about how inferior Asian men are – in real time, for half Asian sons who aren’t even theirs to hear. So even the “so called” good couples still have children who are exposed to millions of these women. The question is – why would any half Asian be proud to be Asian as a result, or even worse, look ANYTHING like an Asian male? And many, many half Asians look TOTALLY Asian.
- White men, especially the ones who are into Asian women. They just love to bash Asian men to make themselves feel bigger with Asian women. (Remember, it’s uniquely white men that are raising half Asian sons, so the children will try to live up to the father’s ethnicity).
So the question is why do half Asian sons try to play down their Asian heritage? I did this for ten years, and went practically insane as I looked more and more Asian. Again, I bullied full Asians, never grew my hair out longer than a couple weeks to avoid it being too dark, and when seeing my black hair fall on the barber’s smock I became almost instantly depressed.
I’ve listed dozens of cases, but I think this sums it up.
Elliot Rodger: “How could an ugly Asian attract the attention of a white girl, while a beautiful Eurasian like myself never had any attention from them? I thought with rage. I glared at them for a bit, and then decided I had been insulted enough. I angrily walked toward them and bumped the Asian guy aside, trying to act cocky and arrogant to both the boy and the girl.”
Daniel Holtzclaw: “How does that white dick taste?”
John Hamilton: “I’m Scottish below the belt.”
What are these women going to do when a woman – even an Asian woman – says the same thing to their son? This has been said verbatim to me, and other half Asian men I know:
“I don’t date Asian guys.”
And you wonder why half Asians with Asian mothers have literally produced nothing of merit, ever?
Despite having a mother who beat the shit out of me every day for twelve years and haunted my dreams for another fifteen – not once, not even once, did I ever feel the need to degrade or humiliate Asian women, for twenty three years – until I started this blog.
Another one from Reddit. Here is the archive. The guy’s name is Jeremy Haakma. His Asian looking children (most half Asians look 90% Asian) will know that their father said this about them.
His comment on another thread. This wasn’t from years ago – it was from 2 days ago (June 7th, 2016). Meaning that this man is married to an Asian woman – will have half Asian kids – and will be bringing damaged children into this world. Keep in mind it takes a special kind of man to have a penchant for Asian women – usually the most insecure kind who attempts to demean his only competition – for the race of women who are famous for being the most lenient on non-Asian men.
This is precisely why half Asians with Asian mothers and White fathers wind up being blow outs. No matter what we do in life – we will have a perpetual knowledge that it is our fathers who are White. And remember, it is literally the worst, most disrespectful people raising half Asian sons – so you wonder why every single criminal who was half Asian in this world has a white father?
These same men try to raise us as white, as “better” than full Asian men – but the world treats us exactly the same. My dad never said things like this (that I know of) but I internalized my anti-Asian hatred for a long time, not limited to but including the fact that I denied I was Asian for a very, very long time. I even joined White Nationalism and turned on all my black / non-white friends in an attempt to be whiter. The reason is fairly simple; nobody wants to be part of the losing team, for which women would rather take the most vicious, petty, and racist white men over an Asian male.
I’ll keep it short. One of my readers apparently emailed her, or someone else, my cartoon. STOP DOING THAT SHIT. You are diluting our voices by doing that.
The cartoon, by the way – is more or less true. At least once in her son’s life is he going to hear “I don’t date Asian guys.” He will probably hear this from Asian women. The irony being that since most men prefer women like his mother – this will especially hurt. I know it did me. Except the first time want that bad. The tenth time it happened was enough to suck my life blood out.
In case you don’t know, Celeste is the rather famous author of a book called “Everything I Never Told You,” which was a bestseller some odd years ago. I’ve read some of it, save your money and buy Sharon Chang’s book, which is a lot more thoughtful on dealing with the WMAW apocalypse. Not surprisingly Sharon Chang, daughter of a white woman, actually is able to contribute something other than hysterical, poorly written keyboard tap-tap taps.
It’s funny because Celeste wears bright red lipstick like my mom did, uncanny.
In her book she describes a family with an Asian father that somehow manages to get his little daughter drowned in a lake. Surprisingly, Celeste is married to a white guy. A tall white guy. Gee what a surprise, my dad was also a tall white guy.
My family broken when my mom realized that her American dream was a tiny apartment with a neurotic white guy, while her brothers and sisters were making millions upon millions with their Chinese husbands / wives. But Sharon makes it so that Asian male / white women couples are broken when the reality is the opposite is producing nothing but failures and criminals.
Here’s what Celeste doesn’t seem to understand. By constantly refusing to acknowledge such a huge imbalance and keeping a gag order on us figuring out our identity on our terms (i.e., we all have white dads) she’s making it worse – especially for the non passing hapas.
1. Feminism aside, in the REAL world, most Asian women don’t care about feminism and just LOVE tall white guys and Western features and pink skin and most young Asian girls literally HATE Asian men. I hear this ten times a week. He’s gonna search “Asian women” and see women like his mom being marketed online to white men. He’s gonna go on PUA forums and see men bragging about banging 100 Asian girls in five years. Her son will hear it and BURN OUT.
2. Half Asians with Asian fathers seem to produce success after success, from Bond girls to NASA scientists to real estate developers. They’re everywhere. Hell even the sons of black men and white women have surpassed WMAW sons.
Don’t tell us what to do. We figured it out on our own.
When a white man wants an Asian woman – first thing he will do is try to bring down his competition.
Hence “Asian men have small penises,” etc.
Just think about that for a second – and then multiply it by a million.
Think about how a half-Asian kid at school hears “you’ve got a small dick” at school, and “you look like a gay Asian.” Then he goes online and sees pornography with white men fucking Asian women. Then he goes home and sees the same thing.
White dads will say: “you need to take responsibility for your actions. Everyone has it hard.”
So we need to take responsibility for the self-hatred and race fetishism people like our parents created and forced onto us? Really?
We need to take responsibility for white men – who refuse to see that Asian women use them specifically for their race and half Asian status babies – and then have this nihilistic slap in the face – and just move on?
Is it any wonder why we’re such a failure as a whole? Asian women and white man actually are stealing from the Asian man / white women grab bag of celebrities in order to fill out their “beautiful half Asian” wishlist to justify their fetish.
My question is – why would a white man ever admit to this? He has zero reason to admit that his relationship is based on race, zero reason to admit his children will have problems, and zero reason to admit that it’s a little unusual that WMAW is the most common interracial pairing on earth, bar absolutely nothing.
White males have this overwhelming need for control – and they get that through their control of Asian women and their control of their half Asian sons. I expect more and more of them to come out and try to shout us down / get involved in the Hapa dialogue / bring me under control for pointing out the obvious. Half Asian children are a result of the white man (desire for control) / Asian woman (desire for status) ego, nothing more, nothing less.
I am a formerly well liked, handsome, outgoing, popular, Dartmouth educated Eurasian man – a literal brown haired, hazel eyed dream Hapa boy – born to a mentally ill, violent, Chinese mother who sought out marriage into the powered WASP class – but then realized too late that the man she married was an underemployed, emotionally damaged, meek, rapidly balding, hyper-racist, hyper-conservative conspiracy theorist male who was an “Asiaphile” who wanted a “traditional, chaste Asian wife who wouldn’t sleep with black men” – and she essentially killed herself. At around age 20 I encountered anti-Asian racism (ironically from Asian women in my own family and white “friends” who actually liked Asian women because they were easy) and due to inheriting my father’s entitlement to the world and being raised to be superior, I was unprepared to deal with it; I am emotionally unstable, self-loathing, deeply mentally disturbed, addicted, underemployed, have strong intimacy issues, and to this day still unable to undo the damage that the Eurasian myths and family’s racism did to me, and unable to form proper relationships due to my self-hatred instilled on me during the first 20 years of my life. Unlike other Eurasians who find self-esteem in underpaid modeling jobs, are gay, permavirgins, or leverage their half-whiteness to Asian women, my self-implosion has been broadcast to the world to the point that I am internet famous. I am not afraid to be as viciously honest as I need to be in order to speak on the reality of this world.
If you don’t think this website is valid – go to Reddit.com/r/hapas, which received 13.5 million views in 2 years, and 2 million views in the last two months. Also – find half Asians with Asian fathers and compare their behavior to those with Asian mothers.
There are very specific issues with being the children of anti-feminist, racist, unattractive white men, and self hating Asian women who try as hard as they can to integrate and create white children, due to their hatred at their marginalization, and their hatred of their undefined facial features.
There are very specific issues pertinent to the “je ne sais quoi” of white men and Asian women, and the incredibly weird, unbalanced, uncomfortable, fetishized “dynamic” of “superior White man,” and “dainty, beautiful Asian woman.”
None of these apply to the children of Asian fathers. Almost every single part-Asian that people use to justify the superiority of Half Asians involves a Half Asian with an Asian father or grandfather (or both): Keanu Reeves, Dean Cain, Brandon Lee, and his father Bruce Lee. The reason why the sons and daughters of Asian men and white women fare better is simply because they are raised to not view whiteness as a superior entity; which both of my parents did, both of them being white supremacists.
Asian women specifically hate Asian men – and hope to create Eurasian children in order to raise their status; White men use Asian women as a means to get laid, provided that they are unable to do so with non-Asian women, whereby meaning that Eurasian childrens’ only value is to look as un-Asian as possible, meaning that Eurasian children are highly prone to mental illness, extremely racist parents, and broken homes. Failing to look attractive (our primary stereotype), means that many Half Asians just look Asian – which are essentially the bottom of the barrel in the racial hierarchy in the West. This also doesn’t take into account the extreme, cruel, controlling, demeaning, calculating nature of Asian women, where they explicitly hope their children look White, so that Asian women can feel “superior” in wresting the White woman’s status and power away from her at the side of the White man.
Asian women are the ONLY race that explicitly goes out of their way to attack men of Asian appearance in an attempt to integrate and raise their own value. I do NOT like Asian women, firstly because they are physically unattractive (the fact that they look constantly angry, and the fact that they seem to have no life to their appearance, and just look like they’re always scheming), and also because their behavior is off-putting, controlling, hateful, calculating, and rude, as many others have noticed about them; they seem to pick lower status, unattractive white, and only white men, while Asian and Eurasian men will marry anyone, while Asian women only marry white males. Asian women will actually go out of their way to attack Eurasian men, as well, in a desperate attempt to bring Asian looking men down with them, and lower status, unattractive white men will use this as a ways to validate their whiteness – at the expense of anyone of Asian appearance, including Half Asian men. Asian women will attempt to control their Asian looking sons’ dating choices – pushing them towards Asian women; while white men who marry Asian women will act upon their insecurity and lack of control of their marriage, and lash out at Asian men, black men, and white women. Asian women are so unattractive that they pursue bottom of the barrel men of all races, men who are unable to get White women (their first choices), putting Half Asian children in danger. They will also go out of their way to ensure their flimsy “status,” my assaulting or attacking non-Asian women who are sympathetic to or even date Asian men, out of fear that the equal status of Asian men will reveal that Asian women are in fact not as good as they think they are.
Even Kip Fulbeck, king of all Hapas, admitted that the Hapa male process of self-hatred is such a problem, that it should be a cause for concern.
Imagine being raised by two racists – your own parents. Your own mother wanted a white man, yet here you are – a half Asian, a man who looks very Asian. Except you have a white father. Is it possible to raise a healthy child considering the loaded, white-worshipping nature of yellow fever and white fever? How can a biracial child be expected to be normal if he looks Asian, and the entire basis of his parents’ relationship was that the man not be Asian? How can Asian women outmarry at such high rates, have an open ‘white fetish,’ and expect Asian looking sons to be emotionally well adjusted?
In short: I am the son of a foreign born Asian woman from Hong Kong who deliberately married a tall (6’3″, skinny), red-haired, blue eyed, bearded white man. She, like many Asian women, sought out a man who had a “Western” background so that she could feel integrated into her new home, and better than her fully Asian peers. She was by and large mentally ill, violent, abusive, cruel towards my father when he wasn’t making enough money, extremely controlling, and had self-image issues, changing her entire appearance to “look white.” She did not and never did love my father, and only used him because he was white; their entire marriage was violent, loveless (father sleeping on the floor for fifteen years), and calculating.
This man (a semi-famous paleoconservative Homophobic activist on par with the Westboro Baptist Church) was interested in Asian culture and married because he was socially unable to marry a white or non-Asian woman due to his political beliefs and personality quirks (he is very socially conservative, very racist against blacks, Hispanics and Muslims, a Holocaust denier and anti-Semite, extremely over the top homophobic, very shy, not many friends, belief that white women are too liberated, extremely distasteful of feminism, extremely meek and unable to make eye contact with others, steps off the sidewalk when larger men approach, unwilling to work or make money for fear of violating Christian scripture). His interest in Asian culture was largely dictated by his personality – in which he idealized Asian cultures as being more honorable and traditional, and mistook “white worship” (a cultural tick in which Asian women see themselves as less beautiful than white women and marry white men for status and integration), for “traditionalism” and “submissiveness.”
I was raised largely as a white child, yet turned more Asian in appearance with age. I was raised in an environment that had an undercurrent of anti-Asian male racism (America), saw Asian women (including five out of six of them in my own family, all of them, including my own parents divorced or separated – my mother being dead) throw themselves at white men (the majority of whom are racists, Republicans, or short and or meek), and also an over-current of false Eurasian myths about beauty and intelligence. I subconsciously always believed myself to be “less” because my own mother and her sisters all were married to white men and adamantly denied I was Asian for a decade.
My parents’ relationship, as was the case in every single one of my female relatives, was loveless, violent and broken due to her disillusionment with my father after ten years as he failed to make enough money, and grew balder and fatter and no longer lived up to the White male Prince Charming she had wanted (separate bedrooms, forced to sleep on the couch, extreme violent fighting). My brother and I suffered extreme psychological and physical abuse (beaten with coat hangers by our mother, Tiger Mommed, had her threaten to kill herself with a butcher knife in front of us, threatened to crash the car with us in it while driving at 90 mph), and her behavior became worse and worse as she realized that her white husband wasn’t making as much money as her brother and sister, who both married Chinese partners. This is a story of someone who was very sick, and in recovery.
The behavior of Asian women, in particular, is like nothing else on earth, to the point that you can see the majority of all stories about abusive parents on Reddit’s AsianParentStories sub – complain about the mothers, including the second generation Asian mothers – like Amy Chua – who metamorphosize into the Tiger Mothers that they hate, despite claiming to hate Asian men. Celeste Ng, a New York Times best-selling author, personally attacked me, after I pointed out that her book “Everything I Never Told You” was based on the broken WMAF families in her friends’ circle, yet she had written it about a family involving an Asian father. Asian women have proven themselves to be extremely hostile against non-Asian women, something out of their deep self-loathing and cultural proclivity towards integration and status, wherein love is secondary if not nonexistent in favor of maintaining status, face, and power over women who they view, deep down, as more beautiful than them. They will even go so far as to attack Asian male / non-Asian female couples, and force their Eurasian children (like me) to marry Asian, in an attempt to maintain an image of false superiority over non-Asian women; (e.g., that Asian women are the most beautiful, when they are not, and heavily rely on yellow fever and male desperation for their feeling of integration and desirability).
When I got older, despite the fact that society told me that I was “unique” for being Eurasian, I was treated with contempt by both white people AND Asian people; Asian women would often express disgust at me for being Asian (scowling at me on the street, or smirking), and white people would constantly remind me that I was Asian in a way to demean and undermine me. Several of my “friends,” who were engineers and nerdy, actually would take every opportunity to remind me of my Asianness, while sleeping with Asian women, as Asian women were all they could get. This caused me to self implode from a popular, outgoing Eurasian to becoming a recluse and suicidal. My insanity grew more and more pervasive as I fantasized about cutting out my eyes to make them deeper, refused to look in the mirror for five years,
Two years after writing the below, I am leaving it word for word, as I wrote it, as proof of how I felt and feelings I still struggle with as a male of Asian heritage who clearly looks Asian, born to a mother who thought of Asian men as beneath her. I am highly educated, formerly well liked, popular, handsome, out going and like many Eurasians I burned out in my twenties with the realization that people, even Asian women in my Asian family, hate my Asian side, so now I’ve turned my talents towards exposing the last bastion of White supremacy in the world as candidly as I can. I am literally dissecting White male / Asian women couples and the Eurasian identity to a degree that nobody else ever has.
I actually moved to China (which saved my life) in order to escape racism and feelings of inferiority – and was shocked on learning that my own mother (and many other Chinese) had moved to America in order to find the American dream – a dream that hated me for my Asian blood.
I highly recommend that any potential parent to half-Asian children make sure that they are marrying on a clean slate – with zero fetishism, zero white-worship, and zero undertones of racial hierarchies – and that they be completely honest about this, to avoid sending more young man down the path that I went. Hapa males in particular need special consideration due to the fact that we have zero privilege, and yet are raised by two people who want privilege without having to do any of the work.
I am doing this for every single half-Asian kid out there who has committed suicide, thought about suicide, suffered from racism, isolation, outcasting, and had two parents whose entire relationship was nothing but lust, selfishness, even hatred – leaving us with nothing but perpetual isolation. The world does not care about Hapa males if you look average or even a little bit Asian. The world – even Asian women, who truly believe that they are white – only care about whiteness and white men.
Yet I’ve been turned down for being Asian?
Why is it that everywhere I go I see White male / Asian woman couples?
Why are Eurasian offspring expected not to notice that almost all of our fathers are white?
Why can’t I grow a full beard? Why is my hair black and my eyes brown?
Why do I still have comments made towards me of how “Asian I look?”
Why is it that society and commenters here talk about Eurasian beauty yet I still lack the ease of access, to jobs, to girlfriends, that my 6’2″ white male friends with facial hair have?
Why should I be proud of being Asian at all? Why should I be proud to be Eurasian when this just means that my father injected me with white DNA – like a mulatto slave who is treated like absolute shit, looked down on, despite having a white parent?
Why don’t I just try to be white – since my mom sought after a white man, in a white country, to speak a white language, to get a white passport, to gain white citizenship, what’s the point in being Eurasian? Why not just white?
Why should I be proud, as a Eurasian, of having a white father, especially when white men gloat around the world about how white men “own” Asian women?
Why should I be proud to be a Eurasian when all this really means is that white men are better than Asian men – no matter how you try to spin it?
Why should I be proud to be Eurasian when Asian women around the world throw themselves like cheap floozies at white men – yet I’ve faced such extreme racism in my life, being called a small dick chink, that “I don’t like Asian guys”, that, “I only like white guys,” and I just have to constantly remind myself that my father was white, just like every other Eurasian?
Why should I aspire to be anything when this would just be proving to the world that Asian women are right in chasing white men? Why should I aspire to be a successful Eurasian when this just means that Asian women are correct in having white fetishes and that their mixed-race children are magical?
I’m going for total transparency. I try to explain being Eurasian as best as I can. I’m not pretending to be a moral or good person. I am exactly what I am, meaning I was born from two people whose intentions were never clear. You can develop your own theories; Oedipal, Freudian, emasculation, narcissism, failed expectations, mental illness, hybrid depression, anything you want, but I will tell you what it’s like.
When I see stories like this, the first thing I think is that, shit, I was almost there. Please believe me. Being a Eurasian male is something almost inexplicably terrifying to ourselves. Not to all of us, but to some of us.
I hold back on a lot of my explanations for two reasons.
- I have the number one half-Asian blog, if not website, on the internet right now so eventually I’m going to catch the eye of someone who knows me. This would essentially be familial suicide.
- I don’t want to genuinely talk about the kind of mental illness I went under out of fear of… whatever. You guess. Flashing lights, sirens, etc. Sad to say, I went through a phase like that, but I’m over it now, ironically after keeping this blog.
- During this phase I felt like I was no longer in control. It’s hard to explain, when your mind is so far gone that you feel as if you no longer own your own actions. I felt like I was being trapped in my own appearance, desperate to claw my way out by any means. And the rage, and anger. The sense of being abandoned, the loneliness, the isolation.
I myself admit that I’m a far cry from how either the Asian community or the white community would expect of someone from my educational background.
I also admit that, as far as my readers can tell, I’m “not all there,” I’m a very emotionally damaged person, hurt at a deep level and deeply distrustful of human beings. I am not a good person, I am in fact probably the complete opposite of what a Tiger Mom and a conservative dad – or any kind of upstanding human being – would want from a child. Again, far from the “Eurasian” master race myth, but…
There’s one thing I know and that is that my kind of problem isn’t unique. Up until I went to college I never met another Eurasian male with a white father except for one, who was half Philippino and huge.
I thought this absence was unusual in retrospect. Most of the Eurasians I knew were girls with white fathers or either gender with Asian fathers. It’s as if we were just dropping like flies early on.
I want to explain why guys like the above story are pulling knives on people.
We snap, that’s all it is, really, and the reason is because we feel as if we have no hope.
It’s not like full Asians, who have the hope of becoming rich and getting married. With Eurasians we’re essentially told from birth that looking how we look is somehow a crime.
Full Asian guys say, hey, at least my mom and dad love me, they support me and wish the best for me. For Eurasian guys, it’s like, we don’t even know our own parents. We don’t know who they are. They don’t even know who they are. I mean if you think about it you have two people from totally different backgrounds getting together for reasons that neither one of them is perfectly clear about…. and if they were clear about it, they’d be bad fucking reasons.
Essentially the fetishization clouds their relationship so much that they wind up having such a weird, weird dynamic between the two, and more often than not they converse in broken English. Sometimes I wonder if my mother’s frustration also stemmed from her inability to express herself clearly.
I mean, Christ, just think about it. Just think about it for a moment.
- It’s an Asian woman being penetrated by a white man. His arm around her in all your photos. White dominating Asian.
- You go online and see people who look like you absent from everywhere. From pornos, from books, from movies. You see Keanu Reeves, that’s all.
- You look Asian, but you don’t. You can’t be Asian. Your dad is white. You can’t be.
- You go out and try to make friends. Then the jokes start. Small dick this, chink that.
- You say, fuck this, I’m going to be proud to be Asian.
- Then you realize that Asian men around you are a laughing stock as well.
- You catch your mom watching Bradley Cooper. She’s watching pale, big nosed white guys that look just like your dad. Forget Oedipal – talk Freudian.
- You look Asian. Even your own dad thinks Asian jokes are funny. He’s totally aloof. Even your own mom thinks they’re funny.
- Your mom makes comments about your tall nose, your eyes, as if you are a doll. You’re not Asian, she says. But you are.
- You begin to hate everything about yourself. Your hair texture. It looks Asian. Your nose looks Asian. Your eyes look a little bit Asian. You want to just… claw them out, pull your fucking hair out. You’re white. My dad is white.
- Maybe you’re good looking, maybe you’re not. It doesn’t matter – because you’re still a chink and good looking chinks don’t matter.
- You begin to feel trapped, and hopeless. The Hapa beauty myths don’t help. Most people just look at you like a chink. You complain to your mom, but she’s in the arms of a man who looks exactly like the people calling you a chink, day in, and day out.
- Boom. You realize that you’re in the defeated class – but who defeated you?
- Wait for it – your own parents, the people who should have been with you since day one. And not only that, but it dawns on you that Asian culture itself, the culture you were raised halfway in, was and is so callous as to not give a single shit about your wellbeing. It was as if, here’s some white blood, deal with it.
It’s all incredible bizarre. And it has to do with something I still haven’t figured out yet. Just the insane degree of cruelty present in Asian culture that places the individual last, or the massive degree of racism in white culture, just combined for a nuclear level meltdown.
I’m past it now. I’ve moved on. It’s just fair to point out that being Eurasian born in the 1980’s meant that we went through an incubation period. I think this blog should just be a monument to the shit we had to deal with. It takes thirty years for a person to cook fully and within those thirty years some of us just can’t take the heat.
Yet again, which brings us to 4 Hapas (Jack Luck, Thomas Wagoner, David Fry, and this fellow) who made the news in the month of January, 2016, all for negative behavior. It might even seem that this boy’s father is Hapa himself… or at least non Asian, making the situation even more complicated given how Eurasian male behavior seems atrocious across the board.
Just a reminder about one of the comments on my blog from way back, last year.
People do not understand what many Eurasian children have to go through, unless you specifically tell them what your parents said to you, and what they did to you.
If you are Eurasian and experience similar aggressive behavior from your parent(s), the only way to have some semblance of normality is to distance yourself from your parents geographically and limit your communication with them.
By the way, please subscribe to HalfAsian.Org, which I am trying to make into an aggregate website for half-Asian issues / news articles / commentary. Not trying to plug it or anything, just want to have a better resource / domain name for these issues and HalfAsian.org is pretty valuable (HalfAsian.com costs at least $10,000 to purchase).