If Asian women are world-famous for having "white fever" and hating Asian men, what happens when they have a son who looks Asian? I happen. This is the blog of a Dartmouth educated Eurasian son of a racist, conservative, underemployed, conspiracy theorist white man and a Hong Kong woman who had "white fever," documenting the immense damage and abuse done over 20 years of living under one of the most hateful, racist pairings on Earth. Former Neo-Nazi, former extreme racist, and yes, half Asian.
On national TV, on the premier of the Bachelorette, the only half Asian contestant (who is a late 20’s, single permavirgin it looks like) there immediately made a joke about Asian small dicks. He didn’t even get past the first Rose Ceremony or whatever that is. I didn’t watch it – I just heard about this through the grapevine.
He said two things: “I’m Scottish from the waist down;” and “I am not wearing any panties.”
Like most half Asians – Jon here has a white father, since Asian women love white men and hate Asian men. Jon looks very Asian.
Let me clue you in here – many half Asians, including myself, will attempt to disparage and distance themselves as far as they can from their Asian heritage, in an attempt to gain acceptance, or in my case, to get laid. I used to bully full Asians. I used to say horrible things about Asian people – that was until my friends started to remind me that I was Asian myself.
When a white girl turned me down because I was Asian, and then went on to sleep with a black guy, I started to try as hard as I could to be white. Attempted to dye my hair, considered wearing contacts, lost weight to look whiter. I even started to be interested in white nationalism – even though my first girlfriend was black.
After all – our own mothers are living proof that nobody wants Asian men, and even if we can make it past the formative years of our lives (ages 0-20) without killing ourselves, our self-hatred will linger with us our entire lives. Hence Daniel Holtzclaw raping black women and saying “how does that white dick taste,” and Elliot Rodger massacring three full Asian roommates while saying that black boys did not deserve white girls. Again, half Asian children are just an afterthought to the global desire for white male partners expressed by Asian women. So nobody knew what was going to happen.
A half Asian girl named Jen Kang @shoesandshiz actually commented on Jon, on Twitter, saying this. Keep in mind these are the same women who go on to raise half Asian sons – so is Jon’s behavior surprising? Is Elliot Rodger’s behavior surprising?
In its very mild form you will have guys like this on national TV. In its extreme form you will have mass murderers who weren’t able to put two and two together.
We learn our white supremacy from our fathers, and mothers. No half Asian with an Asian father would humiliate himself on TV like that. His joke actually so successfully demeans himself that he was eliminated before the show even started – if his Asian appearance hadn’t disqualified him already.
(I would even go so far as to say that Jon here might even be gay and went on TV just for exposure. I don’t think any straight guy would hate and humiliate himself that much. Again, I do believe that WM/AW pairings are so emasculating that they affect the minds of the Asian looking children so severely to the point of forcing us into “effeminate” roles.)
I learned early on that mentioning my Asian heritage at all was a fast track to getting sidelined, so the fact he makes a point of it means that he probably hates Asian men (like Elliot Rodger) – and nobody hates Asian men more than Hapa girls, or those who share their tastes. I.e. gay Hapa males, or even worse – Hapa males who want to differentiate themselves.
I am a formerly well liked, handsome, outgoing, popular, Dartmouth educated Eurasian man – a literal brown haired, hazel eyed dream Hapa boy – born to a Chinese mother who sought out marriage into the powered WASP class – but then realized too late that the man she married was an underemployed, emotionally damaged, meek, rapidly balding, hyper-racist, hyper-conservative conspiracy theorist male who was an “Asiaphile” – and she essentially killed herself. At around age 20 I encountered anti-Asian racism (ironically from Asian women in my own family and white “friends” who actually liked Asian women because they were easy) and due to inheriting my father’s entitlement to the world and being raised to be superior, I was unprepared to deal with it; I am emotionally unstable, self-loathing, deeply mentally disturbed, addicted, underemployed, have strong intimacy issues, and to this day still unable to undo the damage that the Eurasian myths and family’s racism did to me, and unable to form proper relationships due to my self-hatred instilled on me during the first 20 years of my life. Unlike other Eurasians who find self-esteem in underpaid modeling jobs, are gay, permavirgins, or leverage their half-whiteness to Asian women, my self-implosion has been broadcast to the world to the point that I am internet famous. I am not afraid to be as viciously honest as I need to be in order to speak on the reality of this world.
If you don’t think this website is valid – go to Reddit.com/r/hapas, which received 11 million views in 2 years, and 2 million views in the last two months. Also – find half Asians with Asian fathers and compare their behavior to those with Asian mothers.
There are very specific issues with being the children of anti-feminist, racist, unattractive white men, and self hating Asian women. None of these apply to the children of Asian fathers.
Even Kip Fulbeck, king of all Hapas, admitted that the Hapa male process of self-hatred is such a problem, that it should be a cause for concern.
Imagine being raised by two racists – your own parents. Your own mother wanted a white man, yet here you are – a half Asian, a man who looks very Asian. Except you have a white father. Is it possible to raise a healthy child considering the loaded, white-worshipping nature of yellow fever and white fever? How can a biracial child be expected to be normal if he looks Asian, and the entire basis of his parents’ relationship was that the man not be Asian? How can Asian women outmarry at such high rates, have an open ‘white fetish,’ and expect Asian looking sons to be emotionally well adjusted?
In short: I am the son of a foreign born Asian woman from Hong Kong who deliberately married a tall (6’3″, skinny), red-haired, blue eyed, bearded white man. She, like many Asian women, sought out a man who had a “Western” background so that she could feel integrated into her new home, and better than her fully Asian peers. She was by and large mentally ill, violent, abusive, cruel towards my father when he wasn’t making enough money, extremely controlling, and had self-image issues, changing her entire appearance to “look white.” She did not and never did love my father, and only used him because he was white; their entire marriage was violent, loveless (father sleeping on the floor for fifteen years), and calculating.
This man (a semi-famous paleoconservative Homophobic activist on par with the Westboro Baptist Church) was interested in Asian culture and married because he was socially unable to marry a white or non-Asian woman due to his political beliefs and personality quirks (he is very socially conservative, very racist against blacks, Hispanics and Muslims, a Holocaust denier and anti-Semite, extremely over the top homophobic, very shy, not many friends, belief that white women are too liberated, extremely distasteful of feminism, extremely meek and unable to make eye contact with others, steps off the sidewalk when larger men approach, unwilling to work or make money for fear of violating Christian scripture). His interest in Asian culture was largely dictated by his personality – in which he idealized Asian cultures as being more honorable and traditional, and mistook “white worship” (a cultural tick in which Asian women see themselves as less beautiful than white women and marry white men for status and integration), for “traditionalism” and “submissiveness.”
I was raised largely as a white child, yet turned more Asian in appearance with age. I was raised in an environment that had an undercurrent of anti-Asian male racism (America), saw Asian women (including five out of six of them in my own family) throw themselves at white men (the majority of whom are racists, Republicans, or short and or meek), and also an over-current of false Eurasian myths about beauty and intelligence. I subconsciously always believed myself to be “less” because my own mother and her sisters all were married to white men and adamantly denied I was Asian for a decade.
My parents’ relationship, as was the case in every single one of my female relatives, was loveless, violent and broken due to her disillusionment with my father after ten years as he failed to make enough money, and grew balder and fatter and no longer lived up to the White male Prince Charming she had wanted (separate bedrooms, forced to sleep on the couch, extreme violent fighting). My brother and I suffered extreme psychological and physical abuse (beaten with coat hangers by our mother, Tiger Mommed, had her threaten to kill herself with a butcher knife in front of us, threatened to crash the car with us in it while driving at 90 mph), and her behavior became worse and worse as she realized that her white husband wasn’t making as much money as her brother and sister, who both married Chinese partners. This is a story of someone who was very sick, and in recovery.
The behavior of Asian women, in particular, is like nothing else on earth, to the point that you can see the majority of all stories about abusive parents on Reddit’s AsianParentStories sub – complain about the mothers, including the second generation Asian mothers – like Amy Chua – who metamorphosize into the Tiger Mothers that they hate.
When I got older, despite the fact that society told me that I was “unique” for being Eurasian, I was treated with contempt by both white people AND Asian people; Asian women would often express disgust at me for being Asian (scowling at me on the street, or smirking), and white people would constantly remind me that I was Asian in a way to demean and undermine me. Several of my “friends,” who were engineers and nerdy, actually would take every opportunity to remind me of my Asianness, while sleeping with Asian women, as Asian women were all they could get. This caused me to self implode from a popular, outgoing Eurasian to becoming a recluse and suicidal. My insanity grew more and more pervasive as I fantasized about cutting out my eyes to make them deeper, refused to look in the mirror for five years,
Two years after writing the below, I am leaving it word for word, as I wrote it, as proof of how I felt and feelings I still struggle with as a male of Asian heritage who clearly looks Asian, born to a mother who thought of Asian men as beneath her. I am highly educated, formerly well liked, popular, handsome, out going and like many Eurasians I burned out in my twenties with the realization that people, even Asian women in my Asian family,hate my Asian side,so now I’ve turned my talents towards exposing the last bastion of White supremacy in the world as candidly as I can. I am literally dissectingWhite male / Asian women couples and the Eurasian identity to a degree that nobody else ever has.
I actually moved to China (which saved my life) in order to escape racism and feelings of inferiority – and was shocked on learning that my own mother (and many other Chinese) had moved to America in order to find the American dream – a dream that hated me for my Asian blood.
I highly recommend that any potential parent to half-Asian children make sure that they are marrying on a clean slate – with zero fetishism, zero white-worship, and zero undertones of racial hierarchies – and that they be completely honest about this, to avoid sending more young man down the path that I went. Hapa males in particular need special consideration due to the fact that we have zero privilege, and yet are raised by two people who want privilege without having to do any of the work.
I am doing this for every single half-Asian kid out there who has committed suicide, thought about suicide, suffered from racism, isolation, outcasting, and had two parents whose entire relationship was nothing but lust, selfishness, even hatred – leaving us with nothing but perpetual isolation. The world does not care about Hapa males if you look average or even a little bit Asian. The world – even Asian women, who truly believe that they are white – only care about whiteness and white men.
White fathers love to shrug off these issues. After all, they got laid, and there was nothing else to it. But the very concept of an Asian looking child being born to an Asian mother who overvalued white men is a grand irony; on top of this, when one looks about him, and sees thousands – no, millions – of couples that look exactly like his parents’, the irony of taking pride in ones Asian appearance is staggering.
Obviously most white men would never admit to this because that would imply that they would have to question their own self-interests and essentially deny themselves the pleasure of sex and companionship.
There was a book published last month by Sharon H. Chang, a rare case of a Eurasian with an Asian father, called:
In it she avoids openly stating that it is problematic that there are millions of Asian boys born to openly racist couples, (yes, “preferring” white men is racism in and of itself), but she has some extremely brutal lines， which I reiterate here.
Not surprisingly then, it was less than a generation ago that mixed Asians were typically assumed to be by-products of military dominance and conquest…. Multiracial Asians then are also centrally imagined as Asian (Asian mothers) and white (U.S. father soldiers). To this day people are surprised upon learning my father is Asian and my mother is white. By contrast, when people learn my husband’s father is white and his mother is Asian they nod knowingly as if to say, “That makes sense.” Subsequently portrayals of mixed race Asians, when present, are usually visible only as Asian/white while other Asian mixes remain conspicuously absent.”
One especially disturbing finding of this research study is the intense racial isolation that our white-racist system creates for mixed race Asian children and their parents. Even within Asian American communities, the children often face racial isolation in various forms, including in regard to finding peers and adults who look like them and can be positive role models. Isolated and often insulated as well, multiracial Asian children have difficulty in developing self-esteem and a positive identity enabling them to deal well with the quotidian oppression they encounter in the larger society. As Chang eloquently puts it, being mixed race American today “does not mean race carefree by any stretch of the imagination” and certainly does not “signal the impending arrival of a post-racial paradise led by super-bred superhero hybrids.”
Chang demonstrates that this isolation is made worse when, as is common, the parents do not teach their multiracial children substantial anti-racist lessons about our racist system, its principal discriminators, and the omnipresent white framing. Generally speaking, the children are “not gaining the cognitive nourishment and well-tailored tools necessary to acknowledge and resist racism and develop an aware sense of racial self.” Indeed, most parents are effectively indoctrinated in elements of the dominant racial frame — including elements of its white superiority subframe and of its anti-Asian subframe. Most have bought into the white framing that asserts that the United States is post-racial, that racism is no longer a serious matter, and that their multiracial children will not face serious problems, because the country is becoming more multiracial. A substantial great majority are prone to unrealistic optimism substantially articulated out of a colorblind post-racial framing.
In other words, the dawning of the era of Eurasians – almost uniformly born to White men and Asian women – was poorly, if not never, planned, on the basis of pure mythos and hearsay; i.e., “Eurasian children are supermen, despite myself not knowing any.” In actuality, the prevalence of Eurasians is more so a result of the compete eradication and ignorance of Asian men in western (and even Eastern) countries, the implicit understanding that Asian men simply do not match up to White men in terms of looks, status, wealth or desirability –
Yet half-Asian children bear the hallmarks of this, namely, our Asian looks.
There are going to be a tremendous, massive amount of Hapas / Eurasians born in the coming years; almost all of them with white fathers. The amount of baggage from this is going to be too much for these young people to handle. I don’t give two shits about the behavior of Asian men or other cultural reasons for this. The outcome remains uniform.
Asian women are deliberately saying that Asian men are not worthy, inferior, or generally sub-par in comparison to Asian, and even non-Asian men. There is no way that a generation of half-Asians is going to be able to generate a healthy identity as a result of this. A handful of “successful” Eurasians that you met in passing doesn’t indicate anything.
The majority of these Hapas will have had mothers that explicitly said “no Asians.” The rest will have Asian mothers who didn’t necessarily hate Asian men, but still decided that a white man was more suitable than an Asian man. Even more will have mentally-unstable mothers who decided irrationallythat white men provided a fantasy for her, one that he was stupid or selfish enough to entertain. (Mine was a combination of all three, hence the broken marriage). I suspect this is mere biology at play, wherein the average white guy is a better choice than the average Asian male; I suspect this has something to do with primitivism and body hair, or something else. Probably has to do with integration and more-so to do with utter fantastical dreaming. If you’re not sure, just look at how Asian women talk behind closed doors about “blue eyes” and European features. I’ve heard it time and time again.
As most Eurasians will notice that all other Eurasians have white fathers, and will come in contact with Asian women who say “no Asians,” this is setting an incredibly dangerous precedent. The difference between “bad couples” and “good couples” is going to be incredibly difficult to differentiate between as Asian women are seen time, after time, after time and time again with white men.
My father was, and is a “respectful” Asiaphile and at one point a PhD candidate in East Asian Studies, who could speak two Asian languages and yet the agony of being biracial remains; the agony of having a mother who valued race above anything remains; the agony of having a bad person as a mother remains, the agony of being rejected from both sides remains; the agony of having to live with the embarrassment of saying that my mother is Asian and my father white, remains.
What’s happening is this:
Asian women are choosing handsome white men over ugly Asian men
Asian women are choosing ugly white men over handsome Asian men
Asian women are choosing handsome white men over handsome Asian men
Asian women are choosing bad white men over good Asian men
Asian women are choosing bad white men over bad Asian men
Asian women are choosing good white men over bad Asian men
As we have seen with Daniel Holtzclaw and Elliot Rodger, the potential blowback from this is tremendous, as young Eurasian men are reminded constantly of their low value before they even set out the door. There is absolutely nothing that could convince a Eurasian with eyes in his head of his inherent value when this is so common.
I challenge anyone who reads this to provide me a reason why this is not fundamentally correct on a terrifying level.
Imagine the utter hell of being a Eurasian son but being literally surrounded by Asian women who literally worship white men, and even worse, seeing this within your own home. We live this every day. The ones who don’t look white enough to disregard any discussion of race.
Essentially, these couples are expecting Eurasians to take this baggage, and figure it out on their own, independently, without a single word of advice from two people completely opposed to their interests as Eurasian men.
I’m guessing you guys didn’t think that one through, did you.
Yeah, good luck. Seriously. You’re all going to need it. There are literally millions of us and all it would take would be another Renz, Holtzclaw, De Grood or Rodger before it becomes your problem. Or, you could read this website and reexamine your entire lives to prevent what is now inevitable.
Or you could pretend I’m not Eurasian, everything I said is a lie, and go back to whatever meaningless crap you do.
Now why would a Princeton student who felt that he had a bright young future resort to selling massive amounts of narcotics?
So far the WM/AW Hapas keep stacking up – so where are the AM/WW Hapas on these lists? Why are they so non-existent? Why are the so-called master race of Hapas resorting to such crimes?
Someone answer the question:why would an Asian looking son, born from a woman who thought Asian men inferior, unworthy of existing, unworthy of reproducing, unworthy of companionship, unworthy of having even the slightly modicum resembling a happy life – be capable of having a functioning Eurasian son?
Anyone who has ever spent a significant time around Asian women realizes that there are more than a handful who have nothing but vitriolic and vile hatred in their hearts for Asian men. This probably has something to do with their failure to find them attractive (for physical reasons) so they essentially treat them as antagonists.
As if this were not problematic enough, these same women eventually go on to marry white men, and produce half-Asian children. These half-Asian children are exposed to the following elements:
Vitriol from Asian women
Massively unbalanced interracial dating
Constant attacks on Asianness by Asian women in relations with white men (the same ones who date white men yet still have to make the inferiority of Asian men well known)
The fact that they themselves naturally require a healthy identity in order to function yet Asian maleness was categorically attacked from the beginning; making healthy identity impossible.
A nihilistic sense of self worth where their entire usefulness is dictated by how Asian or un-Asian they look.
This in turn is producing millions of unhealthy Hapa children.
They literally are creating a Catch-22 for their own sons, wherein they demonize Asianness, yet produce half-Asian sons, and then forbid them from complaining about being brutally reminded of their own inferiority (see the Esther Ku remark above or this one below):
Even more obvious is the fact that when Asian women are confronted with this, their usual arguments are “we owe Asian men nothing,” “it is not our duty to find Asian men attractive;” which are all true.
However, as these same women are going to give birth to sons and can offer nothing more than off-the-bat platitudes and a complete lack of concern for the mental state of CHILDREN, it is necessary to deduce that:
These women (and men) are literally the last people on earth suited for raising half Asian children, especially men. By being so adamantly opposed to introspection they are actually proving me right in implying they are not suitable for motherhood / fatherhood. A mother / father’s job is to care wholly for the wellbeing of her child, lest she produces a societal-detriment, which we are already filled to the brim with.
So what is happening now is that Asian women are attempting to level the blame onto half-Asian men in the present, in order to immunize themselves in the future from their own self blame, which will happen.
However, the real blame needs to be leveled on two parents, an Asian woman and white man (again, oftentimes a man, like my father, who enjoys feeling “superior” over rejected Asian men; or in many cases, just worshipped for his race unjustly whereas he feels white women failed to do so), who do not care for the mental health or spiritual wellbeing of their own sons, a demographic they are callously bringing into the world by the millions, a demographic that is destined to explode in what I call: The Hapacalypse.
We have already seen in two years such violent outbursts from Hapas, all with Asian mothers and white fathers. There will be more coming.
On this date, December 14th, 2015, remember that I, a Eurasian, specifically blamed the dynamic of White Men and Asian Women for creating a demographic of monsters.
I no longer am concerned with appealing to Asian women. I am concerned with appealing to you, my non-Asian readers, to recognize these people for what they are. This is not a “progressive” pairing. It is racism. Please, please, please recognize this before it is too late. Do I have to remind you about how my mother commented on my high nose, light eyes, repeatedly, while concurrently having a massive blowout at my father for harboring anti-semitic, Holocaust denying views?
Yes, I am Eurasian / Hapa / half-Asian, yes I am real, and no I won’t show my face right now out of fear for attack and retribution. This will happen eventually. But please, please, believe me.
It doesn’t matter how many Asian women deny this; by this blog even existing and popping up after virtually any “half-Asian” search (and within a few months it will be the number one search result), this becomes a problem for society as a whole, and ideally it will ruin the social lives and society’s view of these pairings rather than them being hoisted up as being progressive.
There is no “white-only” Asian woman on the PLANET who would admit to this being a plausible issue; but it doesn’t matter – all I have to do is sway public opinion to my side using reason and truthfulness, and then the whole roof will cave in. That means: appealing to non-Asians, blacks, whites, Hispanics, Muslims, etc. You all know well the adage of the “pen being more powerful than the sword.” You want world peace? Then dismantle the goddamned systems of power and hierarchies that exist in so called “free countries” and stop valuing your own selfish needs for five goddamned minutes.
As if Asian women are going to give a single shit about us… but I’m still posting here as a sort of canary in the coal mine.
My notes: I just started thinking about how Asian women favoring white men doesn’t actually have to do necessarily with self hatred, (although it does), but a desire for “excitement” and “rebellion.” The fact that us Eurasians are left as a result with no solid ethnic identity and that this excitement and rebellion uniformly revolves around that which White men and western culture provides – we are left out of this exciting culture because of our appearance and constantly reminded that we are Asian men, even by the Asian women who are having such a good time “escaping.”
On top of that we’re brought into a world and told that it’s personality and ability that matters… yet we look exactly like the kind of men our mothers and fathers spent decades of their lives laughing at.
Rebellion and excitement is not a foundation for a relationship or for raising a child with healthy self esteem unless the child looks like the object of desire and excitement and even then not so much.
In this way we have so many broken WMAW families and so many broken Hapas who turn to drugs and crime to escape perpetual feelings of inferiority. As Hapas we are expected to just accept that white men are better fathers / sperm donors and take pride in being Asian, in the same breath. Logically it makes no sense.
You need to make sure your husband understands that racism isn’t some made up thing that minorities complain about. He needs to understand that your son WILL have it harder in the dating scene and that he might resent other members of the family. Asian women enjoy a ton of sexual privilege. White men enjoy even more. And Eurasian women (his sisters) are probably the single most desirable demographic when it comes to dating/relationships. Eurasian men are all the way on the other end of the spectrum, doing well with pretty much only Asian girls. DO NOT LIE TO YOUR FUTURE SON. DO NOT TELL HIM HIS RACE OR GENDER DO NOT MATTER. Why AMWF hapas are so normal by comparison is that they don’t desperately and obsessively wish they were white 24/7 because they identify with their asian father. Also usually when it’s AMWF the Asian guy is cool whereas with WMAF the white guy is often a socially awkward loser.
I can’t repeat enough how little I think of white men’s abilities to raise minority children but if you love him and he is willing to learn then teach him. If he’s a fuckwit like nexdemise who complains about anti-white racism and SJWs then you need to drop him instantly. If he’s a fuckwit who claims to be “colorblind” and appears otherwise liberal then he is teachable but is still a fuckwit until taught correctly.
That being said I legitimately wish you happiness.
The rest of them have mental problems. Depression, suicide, crime, drug abuse, mental breakdown, inferiority feelings. It’s a tragedy.
And all likelihood is it won’t change. White males would have to give up the power. Ain’t gonna happen. We’re screwed. Just bi-products of Asian inferiority and white supremacy. Like we are some sort of trophy that our father conquered the Asians.
It’s not gonna get better so we just have to focus on making it less worse.
because you’re more likely to be dating a racist, a supremacist like Nexdemise. someone who disdains asian men or has no regard for them but will date asian women exclusively. I can already point that out in this thread.
Good to know. Thanks. Seriously though, ad hominems all around. I might as well go “2 inch chink chode”.
I bet you thought he was a nice white guy with an asian gf. This is what you don’t see from your white men. the side that wants to snuff out any link to your race that you or your kids have left. they are not at all interested in raising proud asians. actually you two can go on perfectly fine and have girls but an asian son would be subject to his father’s and asian women’s belittling of asian men. listen to this podcast at 6:30. shit like this is normal in white society.
More aggregated comments:
Lol at all these careerist women who run off with a foreign man to a foreign country and only think about money, then in their 30s and 40s start caring about their “roots” and “Chinese culture”. Of course the kids are negatively affected, as the mother will force them into language classes and “cultural events”, only to resent them for not being real Chinese.
On a post about blogger Xiaxue feminizing her half Asian son:
This post resonates with me. My mother used to dress me up in dresses like a girl when I was that age. She used to always feminize the shit out of me growing up as a kid too.
She made me moisturize my hands till they looked like girls hands, condition my hair everyday. Talk to people from a feminine asian position of submission and over extreme politeness. To be ultra clean like a girl would be – rejecting any male like traits like they were bad for me. I could go on and on.
To this day, my father still believes that my mother loved him and was a good person; he tried to show me their love letters stuffed in plastic bins in the basement of some refurbished farm house in some shit redneck state. This was despite the fact that, during my talk last month with my aunt, who is some kind of CFA or VIP at a top investment back, admitted that they “should never have gotten married.” I sat down with an Asian woman (married to a Chinese man) who employs a thousand people, and told her to her face, that my mother and father got married for fetishes; and when prompted she *told me, her nephew* that white men who marry Asian women “do so because they want to feel powerful.”
She also told me that my mother weighed around 70(!) pounds when she appeared in mid-July, on Central Park West, to meet my other aunt, to literally complain about my father. I think the story goes like this: my father had somehow quit his job or denied some kind of benefit 1-2 years before my mother died. I don’t remember exactly (though it’s only been a month) and she was sick at the time, and she had been in such distress that she called my other aunt (also married to a white male) to meet outside Central Park, and was wearing a down winter coat in July(!). My aunt was shocked to see her. Within a year my mother was dead… the story goes was that she was crying profusely on her death bed, begging my aunt to not allow my father to take me back to his state and also begging her family to take care of us, my brother and I. How she loved us so much.
All for a white man. All for a white man. All for a white man.
And thus this is how the story goes:
My mother approached my father during one of her language classes in university. By no surprise he was 6’3″, redhaired, and I guess unknown to her, borderline Aspergers. She valued his race. Of course she did.
“There’s no way she could have know what he was like,” you’ll say. Of course not. But if she had married a Chinese man, she could have know exactly what the guy was going to be like. Or at least had a general idea.
So she married a white man on the principal that he was white. And my father fell for petty lie number one: that it was for his person, not his race.
So for white men reading this; you essentially married a woman whose only interest in you was on the basis that you are white. “No it wasn’t.” Petty lie number one. “Oh, Asian men are controlling, Asian men are misogynistic.” Yet all the white men they marry and sleep with are 6’2″+ and they can’t keep their mouths shut about how physically inferior Asian men are behind closed doors.
Then I, the son, and my brother, was born. And we were told, from birth, that it’s all about embracing Chinese / Asian culture. Petty lie number two. Culture became irrelevant as soon as the father’s physical characteristics were the number one deciding factor. How dare this woman tell me that I am Chinese when she betrayed everything Chinese in taking a white man into her bed.
We were also encouraged to study hard and make a lot of money and play violin and avoid video games and parties; but why? My father didn’t make a lot of money. In fact, it became apparent as I entered high school and college that being white was the key to having sex, having girls, having love, even. Petty lie number three.
My mother set the precedent for us; she said that being white was all that matters; even if she didn’t say it directly.
Petty lie number four: The marriage was a loving one. It never was about love. It was about genes. It was about height and fair coloration and race. It was about race entirely from the beginning. And when the fantasy started to fade, when this 40 year old woman realized she had married an illogical loser who valued his own fantasy and romance about life and God and meaning, decided to give up his job, in order to escape whatever soul-sucking thing he felt was sucking his soul, she started to go nuts. She showed up in Manhattan wearing a fur coat in July, weighing less than a child. This woman from a family of multimillionaires. She hadn’t married her prince Charming. She had married a human being, the same white human being that white women never wanted.
It was a lie from the beginning and I expect any white male in a sexless marriage to a cold, conniving Asian woman, with two slacker or “weird” Asian male sons (despite them pretending they’re well adjusted for their white daddies), to be able to relate.
“Oh, but my white husband and I are not like that. My Asian wife and I are not like that.”
And I reply with: how would you know? You’ve been lying to each other from the beginning.
You’d have to be fairly stupid to not realize that the majority of Asian women pair up with white or non-Asian men. I think this indicative of OUR worth in the world, as much as it is indicative of the worth of Asian women.
I sat down with my aunt, who is VP at a major investment bank, last week. We talked about all of this and she agreed that my father sought out my mother and vice versa for reasons of power; “he wanted to be worshipped.” She also stated that they should never have gotten married.
After we had visited my mother’s grave (the first time for me in a decade and a half), wherein she had been buried in an industrial town, in a graveyard a half mile away from one of those refineries with red and white smoke stacks, visible from her grave (for Christ’s sake), and surrounded by strip malls and gaudy monument sellers, I had a real epiphany about the realities of life. It doesn’t matter how great you think you are; your fate is already written in stone based on your parents. You can deny it all you want and find solace in white women, in careers, in hobbies but the fact is that evolution is brutal and uncaring. I feel most Hapas deny this because it is painful for their egos.
My aunt told me that during the last few years of her life, my mother weighed around 60-70 pounds at 5’4″. All of that, for a white man.
Just because your mother loves you (my aunt told me that my mother loved us dearly), does not mean that she is a good person. She may have some severe and often brutally cold intentions in her heart which manifest in you. Yes, in you. In being that success that she wants, in being that good son, in marrying a white woman (if you can), you fulfill her dream of being white. Isn’t that brutal – is it not fucking brutal? And on top of that, if you already do look white, you might have already fulfilled her dream and yet she never would even once TELL YOU. This is one of those things that is an atrocious thought for a Hapa male to even consider.
It’s astounding to me that most Hapa men don’t realize this. How can you willfully ignore that it is only Asian women that act like this? What’s wrong with looking Asian? Have you even ever considered this?
If you weren’t a coward, you would switch places with a full Asian man. But you wouldn’t. I know, my reader, that you would not. Why? Because you know for a fact that women like your own mother would reject you. If you were not a coward, you would take up the mantle like me, blow the whistle and end the line. The family line. If Asian men are going to suffer then I want to suffer too. I am not a fucking cowardly Hapa like most of you out there.
Since reddit.com/r/hapas, the repository for Hapa shit, might be closed down eventually I will start cataloguing the horror stories I find on there. I’ll be focusing on just using my website as a way to save all the conversation there.
So I know that this group is mixedasians, so I presume that people posting here are already fairly into their Asian side.
I’m half European Jewish and half Chinese.
I think I look half Asian at best, I’m getting that a lot more since I got my hair chemically straightened and it has no volume hahaha.
But, I feel way more Chinese inside than Jewish. I barely feel Jewish at all. I don’t talk to my father (Jewish one), and didn’t grow up in that community. I grew up in a very Asian-American suburb in the SF Bay Area. I know I don’t look that Asian, but I feel it a lot more inside.
I have a fair amount of angst of not being accepted by people who are like “YOU CAN’T BE ASIAN NO WAY GET OUT OF HERE!”, but there’s also plenty of people who accept me and see me for what I believe I am. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to not care as much, but I still feel strange at times.
My favorite book is “The Unwanted” by Kien Nguyen, about growing up Amerasian during the Vietnam war.
I’ve toyed with the idea of learning more about my father’s culture, but I also have some extreme grudges against Jewish-American men and how some have a fixation on Asian women (I also want to work on this, but frankly, I’ve got bigger fish to fry when it comes to self-improvement). My father was very violent, abusive, sexist, and racist, and has a thing for Asian women, especially ones who just came here and don’t speak English. He ruined my mother’s life and crushed her dreams of a good life in America.
I generally just haven’t had amazing experiences with the Jewish-American community, although I do admit they are few and far between. My father’s family isn’t abusive and crazy like he is, but they are very distant. Although they are not straight up cold and admit it is a shame that my father was so terrible to me and my mom, one relative made a comment that he would not fill in the place/take the role of my father or a close relative since he isn’t one, although I could email him anytime!!!. It really hurts that they don’t care about staying in touch with me, and just have this occasional email relationship with me, more or less.
On the other hand, my cousins on my mom’s family don’t speak fluent english but have reached out to befriend me, and I talk to one of them every day and consider him a close friend/the brother I didn’t have, although he lives on the other side of the world.
I experienced a tragic loss, and am currently looking to find religion. Although neither of my parents have any background in the Christian faith, I am thinking most in joining a Christian church. I have been to a Jewish service before when visiting an uncle, and I found it to be cold and uninteresting. They just didn’t seem welcoming if you weren’t already in.