If Asian women are world-famous for having "white fever" and hating Asian men, and Asians are the only group of people on the planet that have a wildly unbalanced outmarriage rate that only favors the women, what happens when they have a son who looks Asian? What happens when Asian women say "no Asian men," and Half Asian sons hear the same? I happen. This is the blog of a Dartmouth educated Eurasian son of a racist, Nazi-sympathizing, Holocaust denying, homophobic conservative, underemployed, conspiracy theorist, friendless, antisocial white man and a Hong Kong woman who had "white fever," documenting the immense damage and abuse done over 20 years of living under one of the most hateful, racist pairings on Earth. Former Neo-Nazi, former extreme racist, and yes, half Asian.
These are among my last posts on this website, and I call them the “Holy Grail” because they’re the first and last thing you need to read on half Asian people; or on understanding that couple that makes you vaguely uncomfortable; or on understanding that weird half Asian friend you have;or because you have a twinge of disgust when seeing Amy Chua; and I hope they are as vicious as I think they are.
Asian women repeatedly have demonstrated two interesting behavioral patterns:
Hoping that their children pass as white. 1, 2, 3. (Or look at the spammer in the comments for this behavior in real time).
Treat Asian-passing Eurasian males with Asian mothers with the same hostility they display for Asian men.
I have experienced this first hand. I look Asian enough that Asian women have insulted me to my face, time after time. Keep in mind that even listing “Asian” on dating profiles, or saying you are half Asian – is enough to make most Asian American and white women treat you terribly – now imagine having your own mother as “one of those women.”
Over time there have been posts on Reddit demonstrating over, and over, that Asian women view Half Asian men with the same repulsion and distain as full Asians. It’s a tragedy that these women will, in ten years, raise half Asian sons.
As you read this, remind yourself that ten, twenty years ago, these women also existed, and have by now given birth to millions of half Asian sons – many of whom are coming of age right now.
Congratulations, monsters. You gave birth to… monsters.
She is an Asian expat who doesn’t really feel any identity or connection with her homeland. We have a pretty great marriage, with love, trust, etc. We married and started a family rather young.
I don’t fit the “loser” meme – I’m upper-middle class, high-IQ, family-oriented, /fit/, probably an 8.5/10 (but depends on the lady’s prefs ofc).
Why Asian women?
In HS and uni, I dated women of practically every background, but mostly White. I always felt that Asian women were more intelligent on average, which I learned much later is correct. Also, I like women with a thin waist and lithe neck, and even Asian expats who were “overweight” back home are skinny here
In addition, as should be obvious to anyone here who has read the FAQ, the differences between Whites and Asians always made those relationships more lucid and satisfying for both myself and the lady.
Attraction to Asians examined through a social lens
White women are, by and large, not family-oriented. There are many clear-cut reasons for this, with far-reaching effects, but bullet points should be short, and many others (here and elsewhere) have written about it at length anyway.
Racial leverage. White genes are like gold to non-Whites. If you have this leverage, many of the other problems caused by our degenerate society can be offset in the relationship.
The social virtue reflected on miscegenation. I think this is more of a White female racetraitor thing and isn’t very true in my case, but it likely encouraged me subconsciously. I’ll occasionally see a Jewish or Black woman looking at my family with creepy pride.
Pathological attraction. This is the case for LGBBQ+ as well. If you spend a few years only fucking a certain kind of person (in my case, for the reasons listed above), it becomes a habit. Even though I’ve dated many White women, after a while fucking Asians, my attraction to White women curiously disappeared, even though it was once strong.
Why White Nationalism? Why are you racist?
Short answer: Not really that racist (i.e. hate-filled). I just didn’t know about the reality of White Genocide/Fade-out. Like most people, I assumed demographics had remained the same since the 1970s, and representation was all that was changing.
After that, I learned about Race Realism, which is something that most people understand by instinct, but are not exposed to the “racist” facts sourced from the research of virtually every government and major scientific institution.
Finally, White Nationalists are generally just really, really good people. Many are fiercely intelligent, highly capable, and traditionally-minded. I belong with them as much as many Hapas feel like they belong here.
Regarding my children
My wife and I are both very light-skinned, and so are my children. Although they have small eyes, they do not pass at Asian. This doesn’t bother me, I just hope they aren’t short. Otherwise, research places Asians and Whites roughly in peerage where it counts (intelligence, aversion to violence and addiction, etc).
I raise them in the tradition of Christ and other White values. I have taught my oldest son about molecular biology and IQ research as it pertains to race; it is normal for us. My family understands why White nations should remain >90% White, because the society that Whites conceived and erected will be lost or damaged irretrievably.
I encourage my oldest to pursue a relationship with a White woman. He is very social and athletic, so I think that will work out. If any of my children stray from that path, I may send them abroad to bleach Asia a bit.
I am not an unabashed White supremacist. My Asian in-laws are. It’s fucking hilarious to me, but naturally I see why it would piss off some people here.
Honestly, Hapas and WNs are in a pretty similar situation. We were robbed of a proper racial identity by the fucking Baby Boomers, and now we’re trying to figure all of this shit out on our own. My parents sucked, and it seems like your parents sucked too. If they had not been nihilists (and perhaps, had access to genetic science), we would all be happier.
I’m not necessarily a “Hapa Futurist” like some WNs, but I know that Hapas will serve an important role in the ethnostates that are in our future. I wish everyone here the very best.
Elliot Rodger, De Grood, Nojan Sullivan were just the beginning.
It seems that the worst marital horror stories seem to involve White men and Asian women. Not only because of the depraved, fetishistic nature of it – but because of the amount of miscommunication, deep seated mistrust, and bizarre quality of the males involved.
I.e., Asian women, having very low standards for white males while living in Western countries, will gladly marry mentally unstable, unattractive or even violent white men n an attempt to properly integrate. Ironically – these are the men that go after Asian women largely because they are easy as long as you are white.
What seems to have been the case here is that his children looked Asian.
White men – oftentimes so racist as they want a submissive Asian woman, a replacement white woman – but wind up getting kids who look 100% Asian, react in unpredictable ways. Even worse is that Asian women (like my mother) seem to only value one quality – WHITENESS – for the purpose of integration and avoiding ethnic marginalization – so the relationship severely lacks proper foundation, which I’m sure Mr. Kerr realized after a while. Some Reddit comments on this sum it up. They talk about various aspects:
From the idea of White men being perturbed by the idea of his wife cheating on him with his “competition” – i.e., lowly Asian men, to his wife cheating on him with another white guy (since it’s not him she “loves”, but his whiteness).
Robert Kerr, 39, struck as his two sons slept upstairs in their Glasgow home, going on to make himself a hot drink while his wife Xin Xin lay dead
A lecturer fatally stabbed his wife to death 76 times after wrongly believing he was not the father of their children.
Robert Kerr attacked Xin Xin Liu, 39, at their home in the suburb of Newton Mearns, near Glasgow.
Kerr, also 39, killed his wife while his two sons slept upstairs.
The court heard how he then went on to make himself a hot drink while Xin Xin lay dead.
A judge heard how the mum suffered more than 70 wounds during the horrific killing in April this year.
Kerr today faced a murder allegation as he appeared at the High Court in Glasgow.
Prosecutors however accepted his guilty plea to the reduced plea of culpable homicide on the grounds of his diminished responsibility.
Kerr was suffering from “an abnormality of the mind” at the time of the fatal attack, the court heard.
This is his first offence, and he will return to the dock in November.
A group of Xin Xin’s relatives were in court today, with some weeping as the graphic details of her death were revealed.
The mum had moved to Scotland from China around 15 years ago to study law at Aberdeen University.
It was there she met Kerr, who was doing a computer course. They went on to get married in 2003.
Kerr was latterly a lecturer at West College Scotland in Paisley while Xin Xin was training to be a translator.
They were described as a “quiet and private couple”, but, in early April this year – weeks before the killing – Kerr had contacted his GP complaining of stress in respect of “work and personal issues”.
Kerr added he was suffering from anxiety, insomnia and spoke about “paranoid feelings”.
But just four days prior to the attack Kerr spoke to a nurse and said he had been feeling much better and appeared to be sounding “chirpier”.
It changed on April 26 when Kerr – wearing a dressing gown – fatally attacked Xin Xin as their children slept.
Just before midnight, he then dialled 999 and admitted: “I have just killed my wife. I murdered her in a stabbing frenzy.”
He went on to state there was “blood all over the place”.
Police discovered Xin Xin lying on the kitchen floor with a knife still in her body.
After being held, Kerr then told officers: “I found out tonight they were not mine.”
Jane Farquharson, prosecuting, said he had “suspicions” that a friend was the dad of his children.
Miss Farquharson told the court: “A paternity test recently carried out…has since confirmed that Robert Kerr is the biological father.”
A number of blood-stained items were found at the couple’s house including a milk carton.
The advocate depute said: “Kerr has since admitted that he had made himself a hot drink after this incident.”
A post mortem later revealed Xin Xin had suffered a total of approximately 76 wounds.
I know, since I’ve made multiple posts of the same nature – but a genuine query after months of study. What is voiced below is actually mirrored in other countries, such as Canada and France, and even the United States.
Despite Asian women being the last people on earth (I mean, the last remaining people to do so, while everyone else is against white supremacy) to support good ol’ boy White male power structures – or in other cases, wealthy Jewish power structures – why is it that all of the most influential Half Asians of all time in entire countries have Asian fathers? Why is it that actual power and influence has been earned by those with Asian fathers – while the sons and daughters of white men and Asian women have done nothing?
Australia is a shining example. Below are names that will be recognizable to most Australians (I am not Australian, but I’ve seen enough of these guys to assume they are a big deal).
I challenge anyone who reads this to name a single Australian of biracial Chinese heritage who has ever done anything of merit besides pout in front of a camera – that has a White father / Asian mother.
The same case can be made for France. A simple search for “French father Chinese mother” – without the quotations – will reveal dozens of links to positive examples of those with Chinese fathers – but nothing but odd side notes from those with Chinese mothers. Why?
Simple answer – White male / Asian woman couples are loaded with notions of superiority, inferiority – and despite the fact that Asian women (I’m talking about the beautiful ones like my mother, not the girls who marry white because it’s all they can get) marry white men for the perceived power – the Asian looking sons will never be taken seriously, and lack the paternal guidance to deal with racism.
If you can’t figure out why a woman who is an OPEN white supremacist (i.e., only blue eyed / blond haired men are good enough for me) and a white male who allows such bias and has ZERO understanding of what it is to be non-white, both make terrible parents to biracial children – then there’s something wrong with you, not me.
Another thing to note is that there are a number of “race play” blogs out there – some of them genuine, including this one.
She ALSO lists Tim Wu as an example of successful, happy, handsome Hapas, meaning that these hateful Asian women have to steal from the children of Asian men in an attempt to justify their extreme hatred.
This post does not advocate sexism, merely sociology with regards to Asian-white mixing.
In my studies I’ve noticed both from personal accounts and from research of several Asian “celebrities” that many of them do not have children. From my personal account, I have noticed that several of my female Asian cousins are in their mid-30’s and unmarried, while one of my mother’s sisters is mid 50’s and married twice – both to white men – but has no children; my suspicion is that she saw how my brother and I turned out and didn’t want any. I also noticed a prevalence of biracial WMAF girls while at university, while there were no men at all, other than me, and another Hapa with a Chinese father, odd, since there are so many of us.
I’ve also noticed several prominent Asian American “figures”, and several peripheral Asian “writers,” who have made careers of saying terrible things about Asian people, yet have no kids – or had only daughters. My suspicion is that Asian women, being intelligent, recognize that a biracial son who looks Asian will not be white, and will not enjoy the privilege that they had, and will belong to the ethnic-gendered group most hated by society, and at very least, will suffer under the highly psychosexualized dynamic of White men / Asian women.
Maya Lin (architect of the Vietnam Wall, a memorial dedicated to the loss of life of Americans who slaughtered Asians) – two daughters, after whom were born she began to “reclaim” her heritage.
Lucy Liu, who had a male child via surrogate.
Poh Ling Yeow, who said repeatedly that she did not want to be Chinese, and is now 43, and childless.
Margaret Cho, 47, and childless.
Esther Ku, 36, and childless.
One of the telltale signs that Hapas with Asian mothers are worse off is the fact that we might even be aborted by the millions. In fact the abortion of female babies in China was long a subject of contention among white racists, yet they failed to mention that women were willingly having abortions rather than being dragged into it – indicating the almost callous, casual nature of the way fetuses were aborted. I am neither anti-abortion nor pro-abortion but I might add that when you have an abortion, it essentially means you don’t want the thing to exist.
Asian American women have abortion rates second to only black American women. They have DOUBLE the rates of abortion of white women.
“Asian-American women have twice as many abortions as White women. “In 2000, about 35 percent of Asian-American pregnancies ended in abortion, the second highest rate for all racial and ethnic groups behind blacks, and almost double the 18 percent rate for whites.”
When you look at who is getting abortions in Australia, it is massively overrepresented by overseas Chinese students. Given that 68% of third generation Chinese marry Whites – (the bulk of which are Chinese women), that means that these women are generally sleeping with White men.
It is also verifiable fact that Asian Americans have more girls on average – yet this doesn’t specify whether these Asian Americans are married to whites, or other Asian Americans.
Such cultural misinformation has been used to pass sex-selective abortion laws in eight states and bring them up for consideration in at least 21. But the racist accusations of proponents of these laws are false. In fact, Asian Americans have more girls on average than white Americans, according to a recent study by the University of Chicago School of Law. Still, sex-selective abortion laws were the second most-proposed abortion ban in 2013 and 2014.
In short, I do suspect that Asian / Chinese women are very much aware that A) they have a strong sexual preference for white men, and B) that this could possibly negatively affect a Eurasian looking son. My suspicion is that Asian women, being highly intelligent, also seem to coast by on their privilege of being “almost white”, but on getting pregnant – realize that their children will carry on their Asian looks, complete with the knowledge that their fathers were uniformly white.
Another one from Reddit. Here is the archive. The guy’s name is Jeremy Haakma. His Asian looking children (most half Asians look 90% Asian) will know that their father said this about them.
His comment on another thread. This wasn’t from years ago – it was from 2 days ago (June 7th, 2016). Meaning that this man is married to an Asian woman – will have half Asian kids – and will be bringing damaged children into this world. Keep in mind it takes a special kind of man to have a penchant for Asian women – usually the most insecure kind who attempts to demean his only competition – for the race of women who are famous for being the most lenient on non-Asian men.
This is precisely why half Asians with Asian mothers and White fathers wind up being blow outs. No matter what we do in life – we will have a perpetual knowledge that it is our fathers who are White. And remember, it is literally the worst, most disrespectful people raising half Asian sons – so you wonder why every single criminal who was half Asian in this world has a white father?
These same men try to raise us as white, as “better” than full Asian men – but the world treats us exactly the same. My dad never said things like this (that I know of) but I internalized my anti-Asian hatred for a long time, not limited to but including the fact that I denied I was Asian for a very, very long time. I even joined White Nationalism and turned on all my black / non-white friends in an attempt to be whiter. The reason is fairly simple; nobody wants to be part of the losing team, for which women would rather take the most vicious, petty, and racist white men over an Asian male.
The reality is that most half Asians look totally Asian enough to realize that they’re disadvantaged. If your son looks EVEN A LITTLE BIT ASIAN, he is going to be treated like shit by society, and turned down by women, and reminded that his own mother had a fetish for white males. Even if he doesn’t look Asian he’s still going to suffer immense emotional distress growing up under a fetish couple. Society doesn’t see halves – they will seek to humiliate and denigrate your son for his Asian blood as long as he is alive.
So for Ms. I Only Do White Guys, pray that you have a daughter. I really mean it. Or pray that I give up after a couple years instead of making this a lifelong endeavor. I spent the last twenty years in hell, twenty more is nothing to me.
After these women have kids they start trying to teach their kids to be proud to be Asian, even though these kids are going to face the same shit from the younger versions of their Asian moms. Even worse is your sweet little Hapa baby boy is growing to grow up, hit his teens, and see Asian girls around him throwing themselves at white guys – and then you’re going to tell him that you’re different. He’ll try to ignore this website for some ten years, work on his personality, his career, everything else – but the day will come when he realizes that yes, his mom was one of those women, and no, looking like an Asian male is a death sentence.
So this is for all you young Eurasians out there: your mother is one of those women. She was one of those women and is now.
Understand exactly what she is and treat her as such.
As for Asian women, read it and weep – you know it’s true. You don’t have kids? Oh, then, just remember these words when the day comes that you decide that you and that nice white boy you’ve been seeing are ready to have kids.
I am a formerly well liked, handsome, outgoing, popular, Dartmouth educated Eurasian man – a literal brown haired, hazel eyed dream Hapa boy – born to a mentally ill, violent, Chinese mother who sought out marriage into the powered WASP class – but then realized too late that the man she married was an underemployed, emotionally damaged, meek, rapidly balding, hyper-racist, hyper-conservative conspiracy theorist male who was an “Asiaphile” who wanted a “traditional, chaste Asian wife who wouldn’t sleep with black men” – and she essentially killed herself. At around age 20 I encountered anti-Asian racism (ironically from Asian women in my own family and white “friends” who actually liked Asian women because they were easy) and due to inheriting my father’s entitlement to the world and being raised to be superior, I was unprepared to deal with it; I am emotionally unstable, self-loathing, deeply mentally disturbed, addicted, underemployed, have strong intimacy issues, and to this day still unable to undo the damage that the Eurasian myths and family’s racism did to me, and unable to form proper relationships due to my self-hatred instilled on me during the first 20 years of my life. Unlike other Eurasians who find self-esteem in underpaid modeling jobs, are gay, permavirgins, or leverage their half-whiteness to Asian women, my self-implosion has been broadcast to the world to the point that I am internet famous. I am not afraid to be as viciously honest as I need to be in order to speak on the reality of this world.
If you don’t think this website is valid – go to Reddit.com/r/hapas, which received 40 million views in 3 years, and 2 million views in the last month. Also – find half Asians with Asian fathers and compare their behavior to those with Asian mothers.
There are very specific issues with being the children of anti-feminist, racist, unattractive white men, and self hating Asian women who try as hard as they can to integrate and create white children, due to their hatred at their marginalization, and their hatred of their undefined facial features.
There are very specific issues pertinent to the “je ne sais quoi” of white men and Asian women, and the incredibly weird, unbalanced, uncomfortable, fetishized “dynamic” of “superior White man,” and “dainty, beautiful Asian woman.”
None of these apply to the children of Asian fathers. Almost every single part-Asian that people use to justify the superiority of Half Asians involves a Half Asian with an Asian father or grandfather (or both): Keanu Reeves, Dean Cain, Brandon Lee, and his father Bruce Lee. The reason why the sons and daughters of Asian men and white women fare better is simply because they are raised to not view whiteness as a superior entity; which both of my parents did, both of them being white supremacists.
Asian women specifically hate Asian men – and hope to create Eurasian children in order to raise their status; White men use Asian women as a means to get laid, provided that they are unable to do so with non-Asian women, whereby meaning that Eurasian childrens’ only value is to look as un-Asian as possible, meaning that Eurasian children are highly prone to mental illness, extremely racist parents, and broken homes. Failing to look attractive (our primary stereotype), means that many Half Asians just look Asian – which are essentially the bottom of the barrel in the racial hierarchy in the West. This also doesn’t take into account the extreme, cruel, controlling, demeaning, calculating nature of Asian women, where they explicitly hope their children look White, so that Asian women can feel “superior” in wresting the White woman’s status and power away from her at the side of the White man.
Asian women are the ONLY race that explicitly goes out of their way to attack men of Asian appearance in an attempt to integrate and raise their own value; they seem to pick lower status, unattractive white, and only white men, while Asian and Eurasian men will marry anyone, while Asian women only marry white males. Asian women will actually go out of their way to attack Eurasian men, as well, in a desperate attempt to bring Asian looking men down with them, and lower status, unattractive white men will use this as a ways to validate their whiteness – at the expense of anyone of Asian appearance, including Half Asian men. Asian women will attempt to control their Asian looking sons’ dating choices – pushing them towards Asian women; while white men who marry Asian women will act upon their insecurity and lack of control of their marriage, and lash out at Asian men, black men, and white women. Asian women are so unattractive that they pursue bottom of the barrel men of all races, men who are unable to get White women (their first choices), putting Half Asian children in danger. They will also go out of their way to ensure their flimsy “status,” my assaulting or attacking non-Asian women who are sympathetic to or even date Asian men, out of fear that the equal status of Asian men will reveal that Asian women are in fact not as good as they think they are.
Even Kip Fulbeck, king of all Hapas, admitted that the Hapa male process of self-hatred is such a problem, that it should be a cause for concern.
Imagine being raised by two racists – your own parents. Your own mother wanted a white man, yet here you are – a half Asian, a man who looks very Asian. Except you have a white father. Is it possible to raise a healthy child considering the loaded, white-worshipping nature of yellow fever and white fever? How can a biracial child be expected to be normal if he looks Asian, and the entire basis of his parents’ relationship was that the man not be Asian? How can Asian women outmarry at such high rates, have an open ‘white fetish,’ and expect Asian looking sons to be emotionally well adjusted?
In short: I am the son of a foreign born Asian woman from Hong Kong who deliberately married a tall (6’3″, skinny), red-haired, blue eyed, bearded white man. She, like many Asian women, sought out a man who had a “Western” background so that she could feel integrated into her new home, and better than her fully Asian peers. She was by and large mentally ill, violent, abusive, cruel towards my father when he wasn’t making enough money, extremely controlling, and had self-image issues, changing her entire appearance to “look white.” She did not and never did love my father, and only used him because he was white; their entire marriage was violent, loveless (father sleeping on the floor for fifteen years), and calculating.
This man (a semi-famous paleoconservative Homophobic activist on par with the Westboro Baptist Church) was interested in Asian culture and married because he was socially unable to marry a white or non-Asian woman due to his political beliefs and personality quirks (he is very socially conservative, very racist against blacks, Hispanics and Muslims, a Holocaust denier and anti-Semite, extremely over the top homophobic, very shy, not many friends, belief that white women are too liberated, extremely distasteful of feminism, extremely meek and unable to make eye contact with others, steps off the sidewalk when larger men approach, unwilling to work or make money for fear of violating Christian scripture). His interest in Asian culture was largely dictated by his personality – in which he idealized Asian cultures as being more honorable and traditional, and mistook “white worship” (a cultural tick in which Asian women see themselves as less beautiful than white women and marry white men for status and integration), for “traditionalism” and “submissiveness.”
I was raised largely as a white child, yet turned more Asian in appearance with age. I was raised in an environment that had an undercurrent of anti-Asian male racism (America), saw Asian women (including five out of six of them in my own family, all of them, including my own parents divorced or separated – my mother being dead) throw themselves at white men (the majority of whom are racists, Republicans, or short and or meek), and also an over-current of false Eurasian myths about beauty and intelligence. I subconsciously always believed myself to be “less” because my own mother and her sisters all were married to white men and adamantly denied I was Asian for a decade.
My parents’ relationship, as was the case in every single one of my female relatives, was loveless, violent and broken due to her disillusionment with my father after ten years as he failed to make enough money, and grew balder and fatter and no longer lived up to the White male Prince Charming she had wanted (separate bedrooms, forced to sleep on the couch, extreme violent fighting). The thousands of stories of Asian mothers taking their children back to Asia after finding out that America and the West are far from what she thought they were (run-down, poor, and racist) – and marriage to a weird, unconfident fetishist was less than what she expected – represent a commonality among Asian women. My brother and I suffered extreme psychological and physical abuse (beaten with coat hangers by our mother, Tiger Mommed, had her threaten to kill herself with a butcher knife in front of us, threatened to crash the car with us in it while driving at 90 mph), and her behavior became worse and worse as she realized that her white husband wasn’t making as much money as her brother and sister, who both married Chinese partners. This is a story of someone who was very sick, and in recovery.
The behavior of Asian women, in particular, is like nothing else on earth, to the point that you can see the majority of all stories about abusive parents on Reddit’s AsianParentStories sub – complain about the mothers, including the second generation Asian mothers – like Amy Chua – who metamorphosize into the Tiger Mothers that they hate, despite claiming to hate Asian men. Celeste Ng, a New York Times best-selling author, personally attacked me, after I pointed out that her book “Everything I Never Told You” was based on the broken WMAF families in her friends’ circle, yet she had written it about a family involving an Asian father. Asian women have proven themselves to be extremely hostile against non-Asian women, something out of their deep self-loathing and cultural proclivity towards integration and status, wherein love is secondary if not nonexistent in favor of maintaining status, face, and power over women who they view, deep down, as more beautiful than them. They will even go so far as to attack Asian male / non-Asian female couples, and force their Eurasian children (like me) to marry Asian, in an attempt to maintain an image of false superiority over non-Asian women; (e.g., that Asian women are the most beautiful, when they are not, and heavily rely on yellow fever and male desperation for their feeling of integration and desirability).
When I got older, despite the fact that society told me that I was “unique” for being Eurasian, I was treated with contempt by both white people AND Asian people; Asian women would often express disgust at me for being Asian (scowling at me on the street, or smirking), and white people would constantly remind me that I was Asian in a way to demean and undermine me. Several of my “friends,” who were engineers and nerdy, actually would take every opportunity to remind me of my Asianness, while sleeping with Asian women, as Asian women were all they could get. This caused me to self implode from a popular, outgoing Eurasian to becoming a recluse and suicidal. My insanity grew more and more pervasive as I fantasized about cutting out my eyes to make them deeper, refused to look in the mirror for five years,
Two years after writing the below, I am leaving it word for word, as I wrote it, as proof of how I felt and feelings I still struggle with as a male of Asian heritage who clearly looks Asian, born to a mother who thought of Asian men as beneath her. I am highly educated, formerly well liked, popular, handsome, out going and like many Eurasians I burned out in my twenties with the realization that people, even Asian women in my Asian family,hate my Asian side,so now I’ve turned my talents towards exposing the last bastion of White supremacy in the world as candidly as I can. I am literally dissectingWhite male / Asian women couples and the Eurasian identity to a degree that nobody else ever has.
I actually moved to China (which saved my life) in order to escape racism and feelings of inferiority – and was shocked on learning that my own mother (and many other Chinese) had moved to America in order to find the American dream – a dream that hated me for my Asian blood.
I highly recommend that any potential parent to half-Asian children make sure that they are marrying on a clean slate – with zero fetishism, zero white-worship, and zero undertones of racial hierarchies – and that they be completely honest about this, to avoid sending more young man down the path that I went. Hapa males in particular need special consideration due to the fact that we have zero privilege, and yet are raised by two people who want privilege without having to do any of the work.
I am doing this for every single half-Asian kid out there who has committed suicide, thought about suicide, suffered from racism, isolation, outcasting, and had two parents whose entire relationship was nothing but lust, selfishness, even hatred – leaving us with nothing but perpetual isolation. The world does not care about Hapa males if you look average or even a little bit Asian. The world – even Asian women, who truly believe that they are white – only care about whiteness and white men.