Explaining extreme behavior of young Eurasian males, Part 15

I’m going for total transparency. I try to explain being Eurasian as best as I can. I’m not pretending to be a moral or good person. I am exactly what I am, meaning I was born from two people whose intentions were never clear. You can develop your own theories; Oedipal, Freudian, emasculation, narcissism, failed expectations, mental illness, hybrid depression, anything you want, but I will tell you what it’s like.

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When I see stories like this, the first thing I think is that, shit, I was almost there. Please believe me. Being a Eurasian male is something almost inexplicably terrifying to ourselves. Not to all of us, but to some of us.

I hold back on a lot of my explanations for two reasons.

  • I have the number one half-Asian blog, if not website, on the internet right now so eventually I’m going to catch the eye of someone who knows me. This would essentially be familial suicide.
  • I don’t want to genuinely talk about the kind of mental illness I went under out of fear of… whatever. You guess. Flashing lights, sirens, etc. Sad to say, I went through a phase like that, but I’m over it now, ironically after keeping this blog.
  • During this phase I felt like I was no longer in control. It’s hard to explain, when your mind is so far gone that you feel as if you no longer own your own actions. I felt like I was being trapped in my own appearance, desperate to claw my way out by any means. And the rage, and anger. The sense of being abandoned, the loneliness, the isolation.

I myself admit that I’m a far cry from how either the Asian community or the white community would expect of someone from my educational background.

I also admit that, as far as my readers can tell, I’m “not all there,” I’m a very emotionally damaged person, hurt at a deep level and deeply distrustful of human beings. I am not a good person, I am in fact probably the complete opposite of what a Tiger Mom and a conservative dad – or any kind of upstanding human being – would want from a child. Again, far from the “Eurasian” master race myth, but…

There’s one thing I know and that is that my kind of problem isn’t unique. Up until I went to college I never met another Eurasian male with a white father except for one, who was half Philippino and huge.

I thought this absence was unusual in retrospect. Most of the Eurasians I knew were girls with white fathers or either gender with Asian fathers. It’s as if we were just dropping like flies early on.

I want to explain why guys like the above story are pulling knives on people.

We snap, that’s all it is, really, and the reason is because we feel as if we have no hope.

It’s not like full Asians, who have the hope of becoming rich and getting married. With Eurasians we’re essentially told from birth that looking how we look is somehow a crime.

Full Asian guys say, hey, at least my mom and dad love me, they support me and wish the best for me. For Eurasian guys, it’s like, we don’t even know our own parents. We don’t know who they are. They don’t even know who they are. I mean if you think about it you have two people from totally different backgrounds getting together for reasons that neither one of them is perfectly clear about…. and if they were clear about it, they’d be bad fucking reasons.

Essentially the fetishization clouds their relationship so much that they wind up having such a weird, weird dynamic between the two, and more often than not they converse in broken English. Sometimes I wonder if my mother’s frustration also stemmed from her inability to express herself clearly.

I mean, Christ, just think about it. Just think about it for a moment.

  • It’s an Asian woman being penetrated by a white man. His arm around her in all your photos. White dominating Asian.
  • You go online and see people who look like you absent from everywhere. From pornos, from books, from movies. You see Keanu Reeves, that’s all.
  • You look Asian, but you don’t. You can’t be Asian. Your dad is white. You can’t be.
  • You go out and try to make friends. Then the jokes start. Small dick this, chink that.
  • You say, fuck this, I’m going to be proud to be Asian.
  • Then you realize that Asian men around you are a laughing stock as well.
  • You catch your mom watching Bradley Cooper. She’s watching pale, big nosed white guys that look just like your dad. Forget Oedipal – talk Freudian. 
  • You look Asian. Even your own dad thinks Asian jokes are funny. He’s totally aloof. Even your own mom thinks they’re funny.
  • Your mom makes comments about your tall nose, your eyes, as if you are a doll. You’re not Asian, she says. But you are.
  • You begin to hate everything about yourself. Your hair texture. It looks Asian. Your nose looks Asian. Your eyes look a little bit Asian. You want to just… claw them out, pull your fucking hair out. You’re white. My dad is white.
  • Maybe you’re good looking, maybe you’re not. It doesn’t matter – because you’re still a chink and good looking chinks don’t matter.
  • You begin to feel trapped, and hopeless. The Hapa beauty myths don’t help. Most people just look at you like a chink. You complain to your mom, but she’s in the arms of a man who looks exactly like the people calling you a chink, day in, and day out.
  • Boom. You realize that you’re in the defeated class – but who defeated you? 
  • Wait for it – your own parents, the people who should have been with you since day one. And not only that, but it dawns on you that Asian culture itself, the culture you were raised halfway in, was and is so callous as to not give a single shit about your wellbeing. It was as if, here’s some white blood, deal with it.
  • Boom.

It’s all incredible bizarre. And it has to do with something I still haven’t figured out yet. Just the insane degree of cruelty present in Asian culture that places the individual last, or the massive degree of racism in white culture, just combined for a nuclear level meltdown.

I’m past it now. I’ve moved on. It’s just fair to point out that being Eurasian born in the 1980’s meant that we went through an incubation period. I think this blog should just be a monument to the shit we had to deal with. It takes thirty years for a person to cook fully and within those thirty years some of us just can’t take the heat.

“There were a few half-Asian kids in my high school. The girls did fine. The boys did not. I have for decades thought that if a white and Asian had a kid, the kid should be female. If male, he’s looking at being in Hell.”

Saw these comments on my blog posted elsewhere on the web.

Asian women preferring white men, and outright rejecting men of their own race, is strange and even seems unnatural, but I’m not a psychiatrist or anthropologist. I would think that people would instinctively prefer their own race/ethnicity for group association and especially bond-pairing and having children. Could this behavior be considered a mental illness? How much of this is learned behavior (e.g., social programming/conditioning) and how much is biological or instinctive?

You guys seem to underestimate the psychological toll of being mixed race, and also having WMAW shoved in your face. Think it emasculates Asian men? It fucks us up more.

What’s the problem here? You know for a fact for so many Asian women to openly despise Asian men, that there’s something going on. So why would your own sons be different?

Because you’re a “good father?” Because you encourage them to “work out?” Because Asian men have never worked out before?

By oversimplifying it you guys really, really, REALLY took a huge gamble. The next few decades should be interesting.

You guys missed the big point: Asian women are actively rejecting Asian men in droves, both in Asia and the West. Why on earth do you think this can be surmounted with petty advice? Will or will not your own son be Asian?

I can believe a chunk of it – and how it could possibly screw someone up.

As I laid it out for Quartermain on my blog, nobody actually knows the mental processes and social background of those girls who chase western men. After all: if your mom is nuts, and projects that nuttiness onto you, you’re going to go just a little bit weird and loopy in many ways as a natural consequence.

Which is going to be “interesting” for the children of single mommies. Especially the male children.

There are obviously exceptions, however the examples I know of happen exactly like described. I knew a couple of Thai girls who were half British and they had an amazing time at university living in Australia getting invited everywhere and talked to by both Thai and whites.
One of their brothers came over thinking Australia was welcoming and found himself always tagging along with his big sister because no one wanted to know him on his own.
He dropped out, gained 40kg and moved back in with his parents and is a stoner/gamer.
His sister married a successful Thai businessman and goes to all the big corporate functions as a trophy wife.
He was a nice enough guy, just the whole introverted shy Asian thing is much more attractive in girls than it is in guys.

The half Asian reality summed up here, and why this new demographic of Half Asians with White fathers / Asian mothers is going to be very dangerous. I’m warning you from personal experience.

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Society doesn’t care that your son is half white. Asian women don’t care that your son is half white. All they want is white men. Half Asian sons are not white men.

Most of the time Asian women marry white men because they don’t like Asian men and have a physical preference for white men. Asian women also dislike being associated with the Asian “gilded Ghetto” monolith, and want to feel “included” into the majority culture – so they marry white men at rates unmatched by any other ethnic group.

There is no other race on earth that has this ingrained hatred of Asianness and their own men. Literally none.

Half Asian men resemble Asian men, 80-90% of the time. 

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In fact the majority of people don’t like Asian men.

Admit it: your wife / girlfriend is with you because she does not like Asian men. She is only attracted to tall white men.

They will say it’s because of behavior / feminism, but Asian male behavior (jealousy) is because Asian women don’t like the way Asian men look. Ask any Asian woman married to a white man and she’ll just say:

“I’m just not attracted to them.”

Asian women don’t like Asian men for the same reason MOST white women don’t like Asian men. They are Asian.

A half Asian son realizes this. He realizes that he is Asian too. It doesn’t matter how good looking he is, how talented, how intelligent – he will endure a lifetime of hearing “of course your mother is the Asian one,” and being perpetually second class in non-Asian society. He will endure jokes, endure racism, discrimination from society, see hundreds thousands of Asian women a year paired up with white men, face discrimination in dating, in work – and…

…his own parents will oftentimes be extremely racist against Asian men as well – yet he looks like an Asian guy. 

Keep in mind, that Asian women are so world famous for hating their own men – that the men who like Asian women and want to be seen with one in public, are almost uniformly terrible people: racists, Neo-Nazis, White Nationalists, MRAs, MGTOWS, autists, abusive people – like my father.

In fact – it could be said, that unbeknownst to most whites, Asian women can be so extremely racist and pro-white and so “famously easy” for White men – that they tend to attract the worst white males.

So half Asians not only look Asian, but come from extremely hateful homes.

Along with the millions of Asian women around him disliking Asian men, his own mother does too. Every single Eurasian person with eyes looks around him and sees how Asian women act around white men, fawning, complimenting – and Asian mothers expect us to not notice. Can we please just drop the charade and admit this is true?

How are half Asians supposed to somehow not notice that Asian women openly favor white men, that these couples are extremely narcissistic and have insanely eugenicist beliefs about their own children, and yet develop emotionally healthy?

If he looks Asian, then, well. Welcome to a life of bullying, confusion, resentment, depression, rejection from both sides, and perpetual low self esteem seeing Asian women like his mother paired up millions of times over with white men – yet he looks Asian. 

He will be asked to take pride in the fact that his, and all his friends’ fathers are white, and asked to deal with the stereotypes of White men / Asian women and unable to distinguish between good and bad couplings. He will try to take pride in looking Asian but realizes that nobody, not his friends, not women, not his own mother, wants anything to do with an Asian male. He will be born into an anti-Asian society, look Asian, and recognize that even his own mother valued white men over him. It is the ultimate betrayal. 

Asian women and white men will promise up and down that their sons are superior – largely because they have to make sure that their children truly believe they are superior in order to cover up for one of the most unbalanced interracial pairings – yet whites still view half-Asians as inferior.

I’m sorry. Please, please, please stop lying about this.

———–

Footnotes:

“But half Asian babies are cute.”

And half Asian babies become Asian men when they grow up. In fact most Asian women can’t tell the difference between a fully grown Asian male and a half Asian male. Sometimes half Asian men grow up to look Latino or Middle Eastern or in some cases Central Asian – which makes Asian women hate the children of other Asian women, for simply not being white.

“Half Asian men are hot.”

They’re not all hot, and people won’t care that they’re half. Besides, you believed white men hottest. You turned down hot Asian men for white men, so why would anyone want a hot half Asian man?

I know hot half Asian men.”

Nope. You know men who pass as white. When you figure out how to guarantee your son is 6’3″, let me know. And after all, you wanted a white man, not a half Asian man. Either that, or you know the son of an Asian male and a white woman.

I know Asian men with white girlfriends.”

You know one or two, while you know five times as many Asian women with white boyfriends.

It’s a yes or no question. Does your loved one hate Asian men? Yes, or no.

Will you son be Asian? Yes or no. Simple question.

Just yes, or no.

“Proud” Hapas

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Why would a half-Asian be proud?

Proud of being white? Or proud of being Asian?

We’re expected to be proud of being Asian yet own mothers fetishized White men – believed white men to be far superior to Asian men, and believed white features to be more desirable on a male? Whenever people look at me, they make comments about my tall nose and small face – so why not just go get a full white guy? We’re like a testimony to how obsessed Asian women are with white features. Literally every time someone asks “what are you?” – and you respond with “I’m Half Chinese,” they say, “it must be your mom who is Chinese.”

Combine this with the fact that everyone hates Asian men – including white women, and Asian women themselves who view you at best as an odd looking Asian mixed minority (Uzbek, Xinjiang), or at worst, like a full Asian

How can we be proud to be half Asian, when everywhere we go we see Asian women throwing themselves at plain, basic, ugly White men – proving that Asian women really will do anything to integrate and upgrade themselves with white blood? We really are supposed to be okay with going to school, being laughed at for being a chink or a small-dicked Asian, humiliated for our Asian looks by white people, when your own mother was literally sleeping with the men who look exactly like the kind of guy saying this shit to you?

Then our mothers have the NERVE to tell us to be proud to be Asian? To be part of a race of men whose women outmarry at a rate of 50-60%? Why not just identify as white – since they are the guys who are able to walk all over Asian women, getting sex and love whenever they want with both white and Asian women – and if we identify as Asian we are putting ourselves right back in the cultural ghetto our mothers tried to escape from?

Our features are Asian. Our eyes might be Asian. Or our hair texture. Or our bodies. You we half-Asian, yet Asian women, and white women, continue to reject Asian men in favor of tall, powerful White Western men. Asian women claim that all half Asian men are beautiful – based on what they see on the internet, yet the internet only collects the most beautiful specimens. What about the half Asians who look indistinguishable from full Asians? Or the ones who look ugly, and then disappear from Asian womens’ minds?

We have to then live with the fact that Asian women around us continue to literally bow then like dogs to men like my father, racist, unemployable, unreliable white men – because they’re tall and white. And my father isn’t even that bad a guy! What about the white men who are such horrible racists that they get off on dominating Asian vagina in order to prove their superiority?

Oh yes, let’s be proud that:

  • 95% of our fathers were white.
  • Our mothers chased tall bearded white guys.
  • Our moms were bar girls, race climbers, status chasers, mentally ill, superficial, cruel, ex-prostitutes, mentally ill, money-obsessed, spent their whole life fetishizing white male features, obsessed with Europe, etc., etc.
  • Our fathers were manipulative, oftentimes racist men who used white worshipping Asian women to their benefit of finding partnership, sometimes abandoning us because they didn’t want a half Asian child.

We look Asian. We are “Hapa,” meaning that in the eyes of our own mothers and millions like them, and millions of people around the world – we are still Asians. We have white blood, yet we are nowhere near the level of attractiveness of the white movie stars that our mothers drooled over. Are there Chinese movie stars like Hu Dong who have tall noses? So why would a half-Asian be of any value – when Asian women really just want blue eyed, blond haired white men?

So they gave us a label: Hapa, which is nothing more than a clever attempt at giving us self-esteem, as if we were best of both worlds, or a beautiful blend – yet all it means is that we were infused with the blood of a white man, and always and only a white man. They point us at Hapas and make comments about our tall noses or big eyes, and if you don’t have those features, then you’re just another inferior Asian man. So I have had Asian women walking smugly with their white boyfriends look at me as if I was the enemy – even though my father is white. 

Have you noticed White women don’t search out Asian men to create “beautiful Hapas / Eurasians, or Hun Xue Er?” Because like Asian women, they desire white men, so they have no good reason to make up lies about the beauty of Eurasians. Their children will be white.

Don’t get me started on “there were just more white men around;” Asian women are deliberately ignoring Asian men, who by natural law exist in equal numbers, even in Asian countries, to pair up with white men.

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40% of all Asian women deliberately exclude Asian men. Yet as the sons of these women, we’re to take pride in this?

There is very little that could convince me otherwise; maybe if there weren’t millions upon millions of them I would think it was a coincidence… but there are. 

And maybe if I wasn’t turned down by Asian women with regards to my Asian heritage – I would have faith that indeed, my own mother and women in my family, were all just coincidences. 

“But you get turned down because of your personality.”

Contrary to what people believe, I became like this out of anger at treated poorly, whereas until I was in my early 20’s I was well liked, popular, thousands of friends on Facebook, tall, good looking, until it became self-evident to me, through observation, careful study of online dating patterns, and personal experience, that Asian blood is problematic.

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